我在网上看到一段第三者约谈妻子的对话，很个案。
第三者：我和他已经相爱一年了，希望你能主动退出。
妻子一笑：以我对他的了解，他不会轻易放弃家庭。他从来就没有和我提出过离婚，估计也从没有答应过要和你结婚吧？
第三者：他说你们之间早就没有了爱情，之所以不离婚是因为亲情。
妻子说：你知道什么是亲情吗？就像左手和右手。平日握在一起可能没什么感觉，也不觉得怎样珍贵，倘若真要剁去一只手，人就成了残废。他不会想成为残废的。
第三者有些受挫，但还强撑：他说对你早就没了“性”趣，连作爱都是一种姿势。他跟我在一起才有激情。他说和我作爱很幸福。
妻子说：既然你和他那么亲近，一定知道他的某些生活习惯了。比如他一年到头最爱吃大米饭，可偶尔也愿意吃顿饺子尝尝鲜。但饺子再好吃能取代大米饭吗？我告诉你，家庭就像他的大米饭，你看看他一年365天大多数时间在哪里？和你谈话之前我正好算了算，去年所有的正规节假日，包括情人节中秋节，他都在家里陪着我和孩子包括双方父母，那些日子你感觉怎么样？
据说这次谈话之后，第三者很快选择了离开。
妻子也从未对丈夫提起过这次谈话，家庭自然又重回原来的轨道。
这位妻子在第三者面前选择了死守家庭的态度。
那么，发现丈夫婚外情，妻子是否都该这样呢？
有人说眼里揉不得沙子，必须得离婚。
有人说不能便宜了第三者，坚决不能离。其实都不对。
面对丈夫婚外情，离不离婚要根据家庭实际情况区别对待。
共分两大类五种情况。
第一种情况，家庭已经没有继续维持的基础，夫妻间感情不好，妻子对丈夫本来就不满意，只是一直下不了决心离婚，这时丈夫有了婚外情而且妻子消化不了，就应当就此下决心离婚，大可不必像某些女性那样，本来还想离婚，因为有了第三者的刺激，反而要回头守住家庭了。
第二种情况，婚外情暴露之后，丈夫不但毫无悔意，反而恼羞成怒，摆出一副坚决要离的架势。这种情况下，婚姻肯定已无好前景。作为妻子，千万不要再存幻想，以为忍气吞声能天长日久忍出个好结果来。应坚决捍卫自己的尊严，毫不犹豫结束已经死亡的婚姻，否则拖延一天，耽误自己一天。
——以上两种情况属于一大类，比较容易决断。
难就难在那些尚有一定基础的家庭，夫妻感情不错，子女也还好，但妻子消化不了丈夫婚外情，该怎么办？
这又涉及三种情况。
第一种，丈夫悔悟了，从此回归家庭，这时妻子切忌穷追猛打、不依不饶。经过这样的风雨，家庭往往会更趋稳定。丈夫知错有了内疚，会更珍惜这个家。所谓“赔不是里生爱情”。这时妻子越宽容，丈夫会越感念。一张白纸不见得就好，从未经过波折的家庭反而脆弱。
第二种，丈夫承认了婚外情，口头上也悔悟了，但暗里还和第三者保持联系，当然人比过去有所收敛。这种情况是大量的，也比较难于处理。大凡迷恋过婚外情的男人很难完全断绝诱惑，但又不想用婚外情取代家庭。这时全看妻子如何评价自己的婚姻，如何看待丈夫“馋嘴猫偷腥”的行为。如果妻子认为丈夫总的来说对家庭还负责任，觉得他经过一段偶有出轨的岁月最终会回归家庭，而妻子又能包容和消化这类事情，那么，这个婚姻可以吵吵闹闹地磨合下去。如果丈夫花心得厉害，妻子又绝对无法咽这口气的，就要及早掂清其中的利害，丈夫别的方面再好也不可留恋，该离就要趁早。要不，这辈子罪受大了，最后还免不了一个“离”字。
第三种，丈夫的婚外情被发现后，一方面说要维持家庭，另一方面撕破脸公开讲不肯放弃婚外情，婚外情反而从地下转为公开。有些女性迫于家庭多年的经营和积累，以及对孩子、父母等方方面面的考虑，对于该不该离婚十分犹豫。那么，面对这种情况要早下决心。丈夫以保留婚外情为维持家庭的条件，不仅是对妻子的侮辱与不公，也预示这个家庭未来必定不会有好结果。
Tuesday, 30 September 2008
Busy ... Busy ... Busy
Have been so busy lately.. due to more work and also of the "down grade" in system...
Therefore not so efficient nowadays ...
stupid system ... cannot tahan ...
#%^#^%$%^*%^$#(
today closing worse....
It's not that i had recover...it's because i am busy with work so really got no time
to think about other things ..maybe in a way it's good .
But after work...the kind of stress feeling will be back...
And everynight i will still get up at 3am ...and then cannot get to sleep anymore.
Am not sure why...
The only thing that i am glad today is ....tomorrow is public holiday...
At least can have a day break from the office stupid system...
Really makes my blood boil...
These few days have been hearing of some male friends talking about their wife having affair.
Can't help but thinking ...what is this world becoming...
Maybe i am a bit old fasion...
But it really hurts me to see them feeling so hurt...
And this male friend of mine had 2 kids...
He wanted to give each other a chance but the wife refuse...
Maybe it's also good ...coz the road to recover is even harder...
Really human don know how to treasure things that they have...
Of coz i am only listening from one sided story ...
But it really hurts...esp to the one that love the most...
Sigh ! Until now still haven't lunch ....
But lucky i got my fav 豆沙饼 ！
Therefore not so efficient nowadays ...
stupid system ... cannot tahan ...
#%^#^%$%^*%^$#(
today closing worse....
It's not that i had recover...it's because i am busy with work so really got no time
to think about other things ..maybe in a way it's good .
But after work...the kind of stress feeling will be back...
And everynight i will still get up at 3am ...and then cannot get to sleep anymore.
Am not sure why...
The only thing that i am glad today is ....tomorrow is public holiday...
At least can have a day break from the office stupid system...
Really makes my blood boil...
These few days have been hearing of some male friends talking about their wife having affair.
Can't help but thinking ...what is this world becoming...
Maybe i am a bit old fasion...
But it really hurts me to see them feeling so hurt...
And this male friend of mine had 2 kids...
He wanted to give each other a chance but the wife refuse...
Maybe it's also good ...coz the road to recover is even harder...
Really human don know how to treasure things that they have...
Of coz i am only listening from one sided story ...
But it really hurts...esp to the one that love the most...
Sigh ! Until now still haven't lunch ....
But lucky i got my fav 豆沙饼 ！
Monday, 29 September 2008
MIA
Dear friends...
I never MIA...just that weekend i went to malaysia for a short holiday with my little prince
and of coz my hubby...
Although the trip is short...but i guess i got nothing to complain about this trip...
Boy really enjoy himself alot...and of coz there are times that he misbehave...
Find that he really grow up alot... he now got his own way of thinking...
No longer the little one that listens all to me...maybe in a way it's something good...
but somehow i was a little down coz i find him too naughty...
As for the "big kid" ...he was ok for the whole trip...just that got alot of things in mind...
guess is stress by $ and alot alot of our things like career etc...
Find that actually he too can be a very nice and caring person , if he dont bet and dont "cheong"..
Still feel myself not able to give out on him...
Today i fail !!!
I never MIA...just that weekend i went to malaysia for a short holiday with my little prince
and of coz my hubby...
Although the trip is short...but i guess i got nothing to complain about this trip...
Boy really enjoy himself alot...and of coz there are times that he misbehave...
Find that he really grow up alot... he now got his own way of thinking...
No longer the little one that listens all to me...maybe in a way it's something good...
but somehow i was a little down coz i find him too naughty...
As for the "big kid" ...he was ok for the whole trip...just that got alot of things in mind...
guess is stress by $ and alot alot of our things like career etc...
Find that actually he too can be a very nice and caring person , if he dont bet and dont "cheong"..
Still feel myself not able to give out on him...
Today i fail !!!
26SEP08...it's a special day !
Wanted to post something on last friday 26Sept08...
Who knows...i was so busy in office...dont even have time to go toilet..ha ha
Had wanted to post that it was our 7th wedding anniversary ...
We went for japanese food the day before...
No sweet words , no special celebration , no gift...
But i seem happy enough...maybe i am just a 小女人。
Time really flies...
These 7th years are full of ups and downs , laughter and tears !
If u ask me have i ever regrets...I give it a serious though...my answer is NO.
If u ask me can my marriage life be better...the answer is YES.
People say 七年之痒 ...i wonder when will i ever 痒 ?
Who knows...i was so busy in office...dont even have time to go toilet..ha ha
Had wanted to post that it was our 7th wedding anniversary ...
We went for japanese food the day before...
No sweet words , no special celebration , no gift...
But i seem happy enough...maybe i am just a 小女人。
Time really flies...
These 7th years are full of ups and downs , laughter and tears !
If u ask me have i ever regrets...I give it a serious though...my answer is NO.
If u ask me can my marriage life be better...the answer is YES.
People say 七年之痒 ...i wonder when will i ever 痒 ?
Thursday, 25 September 2008
What is important ?
Today i give myself 50 marks ...(just pass)
Coz feel like posting about him again...
but i still pass myself because my feeling abit differ from my older post..hee hee
He did not come home last nite(until now no sound from him)
Think drunk...mayb sleep by the road side or motel or hotel..
I start to think that we are really different...
He seems much happier when he is with his friends..
But when face me he feel the stress...
Coz i would tell him to go work , talk to him not to go gamble , ask him to stay more at home etc..
I have change myself just yesterday as not to everyday show black face etc...
I smile , i laugh...i joke..but end up he feel that i only think of play , play , play when he
is so stress in paying his debt...funny right..he is the one who tell me 做人要开心..siow
The best part is ...i have a very very nice and peaceful sleep...which i normal don't , i will
always wait for him to reach home b4 i sleep...
Ha ha ...maybe i was thinking if being together but feeling stress then no point...
Am i setting myself free ?
Am i able to free myself very soon ?
I don't know but i believe god knows...
Last time i always dress up just to impress him...
But today i doll myself up...although he did not get a chance to see me this am...
But i feel great ...even in the MRT i feel confident , so what if hubby dont care or concern..
I used to think...he is the most important person in my life...
I live for him...
I feel sad with him
I feel happy with him
but what is the point...he don even know how to treasure ppl around him...
But i must thank him for adding alot of colours to my life...
He really show me the "world" , and the ride of "roller coaster" of our life...
and because of him i understand myself more ...i realise that i can be such a crazy person
that can give out pride and alot alot of things just for the person i love...
I wan to tell myself...don keep looking back ...don keep thinking how we go through all the
hardship together etc...
The true is as times goes by human will change...
he no longer appreciate those days
no longer appreciate how i forgive him once and again...
He is no longer the person he used to be...
I don regret getting married to him...but i have to love myself and my boy more...
现在的他很不长进。。很烂赌 。。很让人失望。。
Coz feel like posting about him again...
but i still pass myself because my feeling abit differ from my older post..hee hee
He did not come home last nite(until now no sound from him)
Think drunk...mayb sleep by the road side or motel or hotel..
I start to think that we are really different...
He seems much happier when he is with his friends..
But when face me he feel the stress...
Coz i would tell him to go work , talk to him not to go gamble , ask him to stay more at home etc..
I have change myself just yesterday as not to everyday show black face etc...
I smile , i laugh...i joke..but end up he feel that i only think of play , play , play when he
is so stress in paying his debt...funny right..he is the one who tell me 做人要开心..siow
The best part is ...i have a very very nice and peaceful sleep...which i normal don't , i will
always wait for him to reach home b4 i sleep...
Ha ha ...maybe i was thinking if being together but feeling stress then no point...
Am i setting myself free ?
Am i able to free myself very soon ?
I don't know but i believe god knows...
Last time i always dress up just to impress him...
But today i doll myself up...although he did not get a chance to see me this am...
But i feel great ...even in the MRT i feel confident , so what if hubby dont care or concern..
I used to think...he is the most important person in my life...
I live for him...
I feel sad with him
I feel happy with him
but what is the point...he don even know how to treasure ppl around him...
But i must thank him for adding alot of colours to my life...
He really show me the "world" , and the ride of "roller coaster" of our life...
and because of him i understand myself more ...i realise that i can be such a crazy person
that can give out pride and alot alot of things just for the person i love...
I wan to tell myself...don keep looking back ...don keep thinking how we go through all the
hardship together etc...
The true is as times goes by human will change...
he no longer appreciate those days
no longer appreciate how i forgive him once and again...
He is no longer the person he used to be...
I don regret getting married to him...but i have to love myself and my boy more...
现在的他很不长进。。很烂赌 。。很让人失望。。
Wednesday, 24 September 2008
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