SUMMARY OF MY 2008..

在这年我真的学到很多。
一月时动了个小手术。
二月身体不好。
三月老公常不在家。
四月就发现了他的婚外情，我整个世界塌了。
当时的心情是非笔墨所能形容的。
五六月是活在痛苦中。
七月份心情比较平静，也有想过要离婚。
八月份该走的人回国了，一切平静了下来，
我也在这时开始了我的部落格。
九十月，受伤的心还在流血，但是日子依然要过。
十一月开始＄出了问题。
现在我只想好好的带大我的宝贝，陪老公度过难关。也许我很笨…
Will start my 2009 afresh ...

I wish everyone good luck and good health ...

真受不了...

电脑又坏了…
真受不了他，三天两头的把电脑搞坏了。
只好麻烦表弟来帮我看看。
表弟昨晚来了，宣告电脑‘死’了，
死亡原因需要他搬回家，解剖了才知道…
晚上和表弟喝咖啡，才知道他已经决定到越南工作。
听了之后心里难免担心，难过…
但是他已经长大了，有自己的想法，谁也没办法阻止他。
只依依告诉他，将来他所会面对的问题…
还有叫他如果是因为女朋友而过去，那真的要认真想想。
如果是真心要工作，那就要全力以赴，才会对得起表姐夫…
还有家里父母是否赞同？
我认为，
他的妈妈肯定心里有很多感触，
以前她都是喋喋不休的，
但是这次她沉默了许多，
上次的聚会她也没提起…

真的每个人扮演着太多的角色，
就说我的角色，
女儿，妹妹，媳妇，老婆，妈妈，表姐，等等…
要做好每个角色，哪那么容易？

昨晚就快气死，天啊！
这个年代还有那么封建思想…
老公的家庭是那种男人十指不动，
女人要懂得相夫教子，
要出外打拼，
要做家务…真是他娘的！@$$^$#%&!#!@$(*&$%#
受不了！
男人就不能做家务吗？
这都是因为他爱自己比爱我多…
看来我一个月的假期完蛋了。

爱.....

爱是发自内心的。。。
爱是一种付出。。。
爱是去做某件事有助于另一个人实现他的潜能。。。
爱一个人并不代表拥有他。。。
爱他只是希望他过的更好。。。
爱也是一种伤害。。。
爱可以让人失去自我。。。

不知道...

距离最后一天在这公司的日子只有两天…
不知不觉我已经在这工作了4年！
心里总有点不舍…
回想刚开始上班时，同事们的脸都是‘黑黑’的。
好不容易大家熟了，唉！
没办法，我有自己的理想…我要去寻找自己的梦！
会不会后悔我不知道…

家里，
儿子现在很皮，尤其在外婆家更皮。
不知道要怎么教好他。

没有上班的心情…

前几天吃太多了，感觉好想胖了好多。
唉！
今天一阵天在烦…烦钱，烦他。
真的这条路是越走越窄了。
但还是要走下去…
好担心，不知道他会不会狗急跳墙又做出乱七八糟的事来。
千万不要，要不然就一辈子，玩完了。

Xmas eve and day !

I had a wonderful xmas eve...went to " The Line " for buffet dinner with 2 other friends and hubby...It was a treat from the friend...but i still found it very very expensive...4 person spend around $700+.... too costly rite...
The buffet spread was very very grand...with all sort of seafoods,sushimi,meat etc..

After dinner went to dragon fly with a few friends to count down...suddenly realise it been so long that i never spend christmas with hubby coz he is always away...and i am really very happy to spend this special day to count down with him...

Christmas day ...went to a party which was at my cousin house...i am very close to her family members...and it was more like a gathering...warm and fun...but seeing my nanny ...it hurts..coz she is now so skinny ...after the food session , they cont with a majong session...and that end my christmas day...

Christmas eve !!!

Dear friends...
It's christmas eve...
May everyone have a happy holiday !
Today i bring my son to my office...and now he is sitting beside me
got so much sweets and gift..
Anyway i have already tender in my resignation yesterday...
and will be starting in a new company in feb...
All the best to me too !

lyrics...

(I do swear that I'll always be there. I'd give anything
and everything and I will always care. Through weakness
and strength, happiness and sorrow, for better, for worse,
I will love you with every beat of my heart.)

From this moment life has begun
From this moment you are the one
Right beside you is where I belong
From this moment on

From this moment I have been blessed
I live only for your happiness
And for your love I'd give my last breath
From this moment on

I give my hand to you with all my heart
Can't wait to live my life with you, can't wait to start
You and I will never be apart
My dreams came true because of you

From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment on

You're the reason I believe in love
And you're the answer to my prayers from up above
All we need is just the two of us
My dreams came true because of you

From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment
I will love you as long as I live
From this moment on

今天的心情是烂的。

发现自己是不开心的…
原来是强颜欢笑罢了。
因为有一直再关心我的人在读我的部落，我不想让她们担心，所以少点写些不开心的。


其实我这个人真的很会忍…
忍的程度是没人想象到的。
也许有一天我的尸体被解剖了，才发现原来我的心脏早已腐烂了。
忍字是心上叉了一把刀，流了一滴血。

今天儿子有Xmas party，需要带点吃的和小礼物，
真的还好他有我这个妈妈帮他…
昨晚他爸还说随便买个sandwich当礼物，真的可笑…
先生：不是什么事都可可以随便的。
对我来说东西不需要贵,但是一定要用心去挑选。
相信儿子一定开心。
他很贴心还会说：妈妈对不起，今天的party你不能去。
其实重要的是他快乐。

Dec ...雨季！

This is the month that i am always late for work..coz it's so cooling esp in the morning...i don't even wan to wake up...
My sunday was whole day with my little one...I think i am a little crazy..
Coz one moment i can laugh with him but another moment i can scold him upside down..
Yesterday i bring him for shopping then bring him to mos burger
after that swimming and hair cut..
After so much activities..i wan him to do some homework..
but end up he take him own sweet time , one hour to do one page...
I was so angry and nearly cane him...
But i overlook that he may be too tired after so much activities..
The thing that came to my mind is , he is not interested to study...
With this kind of attitude , what will he grow up to be...
This though become so scarey that i scream at him like a mad dog..
After screaming , i realise he may be too tired ...so i cool myself down and talk to him nicely and allow him to do it the next day ...
I really think i am a crazy mother...
I wan him to study and be a better person , coz myself education level is not high..
and in this social u need to at least have a basic education level...
And seeing his father family side ...i am really worry ..coz it's all in the blood..
I think i have to go slow on my little one...
I am lucky to have this son...
He is my everything...

As for the other one , sorry to say but he is a disappointment...
He still don't learn from mistake...
I really not sure why am i still holding on to a person that don change...
Am i under some love spell?
Hee hee , crazy rite...
见到鬼， 还不怕黑。。。
Just don test my patience..
Come to one day when i finally wake up ...nothing can change my mind...

Come to think of it , THE POWER OF LOVE ...is really very scarey...
It can really change a person...
Those that love more will get hurt the most...
And i really hope my cousin will come to know what is more important to him?
And i am a very good example ...can't he see it...
Still want to follow my foot step...
Love really can blind a person..


And who am i to say what is rite or wrong...
I am just a mess !!!

My thoughts ...

When a person make mistakes.....
he or she will not only be the one suffering.....
It's the whole family suffer .....
Unless you live alone in this planet.....

When a person make mistakes.....
Face it , don't kept thinking of escape.....
Coz it will bring burden to others.....

When a person make mistakes.....
Learn from it .....
Don't keep making the same mistakes.....
Again and again .....
Coz very soon people will not even care.....

------------------------------------------------------------------

For my cyber friends ...

Alice ... Things happen for a reason...
When it comes there is no way to escape...
You may be facing lots of pain now
But you will over come sooner or later...
Coz in this world ...there is no such things as
谁没有谁不能活！
Stay strong , it's his lost ... not yours !

Lotus ... Keep posting...coz your post is wonderful !
It's my medicine...

Snow...your design are really great...

邱妈妈..i read your posting too...

------------------------------------------------------------------

For myself ...

My favourite sentence for 2008...
" THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON..."
前面的路，不容易走。。
有些事，不由得我来选择，
但我不会选择怨恨。
毕竟爱一个人很难，恨一个人也很难。
怨恨只会让人遮蔽了双眼，看不清路的方向，
伤害自己的同时亦伤害了爱自己的人。
请不要让我有机会在心碎。。因为等到有一天心碎了。。说什么都没用了。

The person who love more , will be the person who hurt most ...
好像周慧敏说的：“这都是因为你不够爱我！”
我就样一颗洋葱
永远是配角戏 ，永远是调味品。。
没有人知道这路， 我还需要走多久。。
但我会勇敢的走下去。。
不管结局会是什么。。

敬爱的'Uncle commando'去世了。

人生如戏…这句话一点也没错。
昨晚回到家听家公说他的一个好朋友在楼下暴毙了…
原来他口中的这个人就是'uncle commando'.
虽然他是家公的好朋友，但是我和他也蛮熟的。
听了之后心里难免会难过…
一个好好的人，突然间去了。
听说他是咳嗽了两个星期，有看医生但一直没有气色，
昨天决定要去医院看病，谁知在等候亲友的车时，在楼下闭目养神时，死了，现年62。
真的人算不如天算…
最残的是他拥有4个孩子，由于自年轻时已离婚，现在没一个孩子肯送终。
真的人都死了，就让他安息吧！
人活着的时间不长，留着愁恨又何苦呢？
昨晚到现在脑海里一直复现他的影子。

he always ride his bicycle...
也许人家的家事我不了解，这只是我的想法罢了。
今日不知明日事，真的每天要过的没有遗憾。

明年会更好！

这几天好闷，
因为年底到了，
终是感到做什么事都提不起精神，
也许“电”已经用完了，需要充电了。
我个人每年要过了华人新年才会生龙活虎，哈哈！
不知道是否有人和我一样？
现在本人好象行尸走肉。
明年要去新的环境了，不知道自己可不可以胜任。
看着办吧！

天意..love this song

谁在乎我的心里有多苦
谁在意我的明天去何处
这条路究竟多少崎岖 多少坎坷途
我和你早已没有回头路
我的爱藏不住
任凭世间无情的摆布
我不怕痛不怕输
只怕再多努力也无助
如果说一切都是天意
一切都是命运 终究已注定
是否能再多爱一天
能再多看一眼
伤会少一点
如果说一切都是天意
一切都是命运
谁也逃不离
无情无爱此生又何必
无情无爱此生我认命

Do i have a choice ?

Suddenly feel very down...
When i think of future .. Feel scary ..(or do i still have a future ?)

I know it's a bottomless pit and end up i am the one suffering...
and the hole will get deeper and deeper...
No endless...i find it horrible...

Not sure am i actually doing the right thing ...
But do i have a choice ?

雨天…

好好睡的一天，只是可惜今天不是周末，要逼自己起床。
好怕星期一，因为它让我觉得很压力的一天。
好多事必须都在这天解决。
接下来的日子会怎么样，
真的不知道……
只知道，前方的路，越来越狭窄了。

Andy Lau....

昨晚很开心，很兴奋，因为我去看刘德华的演唱会。
等了七年他终于来了。
风采依然，帅气十足，首首动听的歌…真的值回票价。
他是打从我15岁到现在唯一崇拜的偶像。
在演唱会开始时，
他唱的第一首歌《中国人》已把场面搞到最高点，
接下来还有一首接一首，让人听出耳油动听的歌
《如果你是我的传说》、《天意》、《忘情水》等。
我也被那气氛搞high了。
什么都不想，真的好开心…
发现自己真的好久没有那么开心，好久没笑得那么灿烂。

My thoughts ...

Met my cousin for dinner last nite...although i ordered my fav "peking duck pizza"
but somehow it just dont taste as nice as before...cousin say maybe it's due to our lousy mood...maybe he is rite.

During the dinner we chat quite alot , somehow we both are able to talk about everything under the stars..coz he trust that i won't not go around telling people.
To me , i am there to lent him a listening ears , he is no longer a little boy..he is a growth up now... i can only give him a few suggestion and my feeling etc , really , i can't tell him what is right and what is wrong and i also can't tell him walk by path A instead of B... I treasure the relationship that we both have ... i am always the person he will talk to when he is down through out these years.. not even his own brother...He even mention that he remember last time when we are still schooling , he came over my house to stay and at night listen to my problems...hee hee...he still remember..

After the whole conversation , i knew that he is big enough to think...i won't go and nag at him , as long as i am still his soul mate , as long as he needed someone to talk to , i am always there ! He is a smart young man ...
My thoughts is " Every house hold got their own problem behind the closed door !"
and a person who loves too much will be the one hurting most...

At home , as usual , my dearest boy waiting for me... he has been a very sweet boy , i must say.. he say he miss papa (who is in malaysia)...

As for myself , these few days have been so angry with my sore eyes...till now dare not wear lens...and with my perm hair , wearing glasses i really look very auntie lor...and nowadays cannot stand my perm hair also ...too troublesome and messy...although i look more mature and looks like a independent woman...
Feel like going for reborn again ...hee hee ...just like in my marriage...
I feel my marriage is like my reborning ...i get sick and tired of it ...so i decided to change ...to perm my hair but end up i still think reborn is still the best and suit me more...crazy thinking right....

随缘吧!

昨天又是拿了病死在家待了一天，没什么大病，只是换上红眼症罢了。
是老公传的。
我的抵抗力一向比较差。

晚上翻阅报纸看到王燕清离婚的事，真的感叹家家有本难念的经…
十几年经营的婚姻又怎么样？
缘份尽了，谁也挽回不了什么，心里多不舍又能怎样？
也许就是人们常说的，该放手的时后就该懂得放。
这点不是每个人做得到的。

至于我就是那种死心眼的要命的人，
几时会醒悟我也不知道，
心要伤几次，我也不知道！
现在我们过着family life..我想是因为男人口袋没钱，做不了怪吧！
他也许会到马国发展，我不能不让他发展，
老实说我好怕历史会从演，尤其是他这种不甘寂寞的人。
话说回来，人要变，你把他绑在身边也没有用。
随缘吧！

上天已经有了安排...

感觉好压力…
日子真的是越来越难过了。
在这3－4个月里，我们经历了很多…
我们没有吵架，只有商量，感情也进步了。
一起挨到现在，真的不容易，眼看债务就快清了，但是这条路真的很难走下去…
又圣诞节，又过年，那样不需要用＄，尤其过年更要命。
真的想都不敢想。

我答应过会陪他一起走过这段坚难的路，我一定会咬紧牙关，坚持下去。
也许很傻但希望傻人有傻福吧！
也希望他会从失败中学习，从新站起来。
我相信每件事的发生都有它的原因，
上天也许现在不告诉你答案，
但是终有一天时机成熟了，
他会让你知道的…
这叫：“上天已经有了安排！”

做父母与做孩子…做好自己的本分

昨天中午发生了一件“大”事，让我有很多的感触。
我敬爱的阿姨打电话来向我兴师问罪，因为她说表弟不见两天了。
而我是和他最谈得来的人，可能会知道些什么。

这个表弟是从小到大不需要我们担心的，是个前途无量的年轻人，也是我最疼爱的。
记得中学的时后，我和他有个协议，
谁以后学坏了就要给对方＄5，哈哈，很好笑对吧！

听到阿姨那颤抖的声音，我开始有所担心…一直在想有什么办法可以找到他。
我了解做父母的那种心情…
所以我决定私底下帮忙找人。
情急之下我打电话到他的公司去，想知道如果他有上班，至少我们不必太担心…
他上司还答应帮我问问其他同事有没有看见他。
我以为自己很厉害…也没用大脑想一下后果。

谁知晚上突然来个电话说表弟在家了。
回来了当然好。
他怪妈妈小题大作，更认为我不该打到公司去。
这点我承认是我的错误，刚开始我不断道歉。
后来他说我多事，我一气之下把他骂的狗血淋头。
我们吵架了…
这真的是第一次。
我跟他说，是我不对，
但是做父母的担心孩子没有错。
做儿子的出门不回家，没交代，就有错！

在这个世界上，每个人都要做好自己的本分。
每个人都身兼数职，要做好那麽多角色也真不容易。
但是一定要明白人们的担心不是多余的！

感性!

昨晚在回家的路上，抬头看天看见了双星伴月。
那两颗星星是多麽的亮。
回到家里看见可爱的儿子，眼里含着泪，
一问之下原来是他在学校做了两个饼干，
要带回来给我和爸爸尝尝，
谁知刚才不小心掉在马路上了。
说着眼泪又在眼角打滚。
真是个感性的傻孩子。
我告诉他: "妈妈知道一定好吃，下次我们一起动手做。"
他才破涕为笑。
他就和我一样，很感性。
不知道这样好不好…

日有所思，夜有所梦!

昨天早上一起床发现眼皮莫名其妙的肿了一大块。
看了医生，给了一天病假…
在家的日子好闷，老公又整天睡觉，把我气个半死。
后来他说晚上要去新山，明天才回来。
真的，心里有几万个不愿意，又能怎么样。
心想为什么非去不可呢？
自己心里总是在想他是约了别的女人见面。
有始之终他还是那个爱玩，爱刺激，爱跟在pub的女人“说有的，说没有的。”
有首歌…“他不会是个好男人，也不会是个好情人…”
他就是那么自我，事情决定了，从来不会去理会别人的感受。

昨晚我一直做恶梦…梦见他好多女朋友，
也许是日有所思，夜有所梦吧！

Dec already ?!?

Time really flies...Now is already Dec...
So many activities coming along...
Andy Lau's concert , Xmas dinner , end of 2008...
new year , chinese new year etc...

Not sure how is the year going to end and not sure is it going to be a good start..

These few days was quite " family day" for me...
We did alot of things together as a family...

Of coz i am happy ..and i really how this happiness will last..

As for boy he is very happy too...coz he enjoy all the fun.
Just last sunday i bring him for shopping , eating ice cream , toy r us to get him a xmas present.

And yes cousins are back from bangkok..haven't get a chance to talk to them ..
but all are fine..

Me getting lazy these days...maybe is due to festival period...
or maybe i am sick of my job...
i am not sure...
But i am happy with my family life...
I love him and i love my boy too...