Life is so unpredictable !

Today is day 3 of my tour...everything was smooth...
but receive a bad news from singapore...
my college pass away this afternoon..
she is only 40+ and always a healthy , cheerfull and happily married woman.
just one month plus she was admitted to hospital ... she say tummy fill
with water and after that she never return to office as she was on
mc for 2 weeks and after that unpaid leave...
suddenly got the news that she pass away..
we been working together for +- 6 years.. although she is not my best friend
at work but still we some many years together...got feeling...
tears down and i really can't talk to anyone about it because i knew i will cry.
and it's no good because i am on tour lead...
i tell myself i have to be strong and do a good job
because this is her order...
life is really really short...can everyone pls treasure everybody
that is around us..even if they hurt us before...
i believe there is no forever enermy...
Ms Ong ...rest in peace !
I will remember your laughter and your cheerfulness ...

I am back !!!

Finally i am back to writing my blog...
not sure if there are still people reading my blog but this is not
the main issue...
to me writing my blog is just like my hobby ...
Why am i so free to blog today ...
reason is simple...i am away on a tour lead...
now in my hotel room doing nothing till afternoon...
so i blog...
Now in port klang..really nothing much here...
my job...everything was fine.. came to know a group of 2 very nice coll..
who never fail to brighten my days...
kid.. my boy going P1 next year..i guess i am more excited then him..
i think i did not leave out anything..school books , bag , water bottle etc...
just looking forwward to the first day of school..
and now boy is getting very sensible..talk like an adult..
love him more as days goes by!
family .. nothing much has change..still as messy...
hoping one day he will be more sensible...

feeling rotten !

Yesterday i feel really rotten @ work...
have been in the company for almost 8 months...
putting in so much effort to do those project but end up
the management say want to park both my korea product to her ...
reason because counter was told not to sell my program and now the management
wants to park the project in her care to force her to sell...
but to me is , is the management trying to encourage this kind of behaviour in the office, does it means they can cont to boycott any program and end up the program will go to their fav planner ? i mean i respect management whatever decision but at the same time i feel disappointed , rotten and i feel they fail me as a planner , they did not consider our feelings...it just like giving birth to a baby and now people want to take the baby away from you...i feel like a failure who is not able to protect my staffs effort , my own project...and how will the staff respect me ?
and she will not take care of my project....
so i decided to voice out to the management how i really feel and end up i protected my project but i am already very hurt. i dont know when will they want to take it away from me again...actually it also sound stupid...if they take away this project which means i will not need to ot...but i feel i go this far, i can't just stop here...i can't , i got too many people to answer to ...my land operator , my customer that has booked the tour and my staffs...

Love !

What is love ?
How deep can a person love be ?
To love someone unconditional, is it healthy ?
To love someone but end up getting yourself very hurt , is it normal ?
How mercy can a person be ?

Love this song !!! 我不难过

我不难过 Lyrics
作词：杨明学　作曲：李偲菘　编曲：Kenn C.

又站在你家的门口　我们重复沉默
这样子单方面的守候　还能多久

终于你开口向我诉说她有多温柔
虽然你还握着我的手　但我已不在　你心中

我真的懂　你不是喜新厌旧
是我没有　陪在你身边当你寂寞时候
别再看着我说着你爱过　别太伤痛
我不难过　这不算什么　只是为什么眼泪会流我也不懂

就让我走　让我开始享受自由
回忆很多　你的影子也会充满我生活
我并不懦弱　你比谁都懂
虽然寂寞　这会是我　最后的宽容

抱紧我　再抱紧我
这一份感动　请你让我留在胸口
别再说　是你的错
爱到了尽头　是非对错就让它随风
忘了所有　过得比你快活

我真的懂　你不是喜新厌旧
是我没有　陪在你身边当你寂寞时候
别再看着我说着你爱过　别太伤痛
我不难过　这不算什么　只是为什么眼泪会流我也不懂

不要再说　或许这是最好的结果
现在分手　总好过你不爱我一拖再拖
松开你的手　离开你左右
我向前走　这会是我　真正的解脱

19nov09

Have not been blogging for the pass few months...reason: getting tired of my own blog and my own life...
everything seems to be repeating over and over again...
giving me hope and pushing me all the way down again and giving me hope again...
i believe he is not going to change.
but at the same time , there's no action that i wan to do...
search me...not even sure what am i doing myself...
currently i am in desaru ..leading a group but home matter is in a mess...
the worse is i cant cry...
and the thing that i am now looking forward to is , boy going to P1 next year...
not sure what to blog about...i only want to sigh sigh sigh...
anyway i bought this upon myself...no body to blame...

6 sense !!!

women six sense...
for me ..is always 80% true...
Am quite sure of my six sense....
Been busy with work which next weekend is a very important week for me...
because natas fair ...all these months hard work will pay off from there...
I cannot let anything affect me , next week...
it's too important for me...as it will be a report card to me...
having doing two special project ... and if natas these two project dont sell,
i am going to hang myself...ha ha
nothing can affect me, not even him...
he been giving me lots of pressure lately..
and bad habits die hard, this is true...
but to me this is still not as scarly...
If i am correct...something else is even more scarly then this...
and i am very sure of that...
not sure how will i face it...
i will just pass day by day...
why do people like to take me for a ride?
why cant they think of my feelings..
been ery short temper lately...
because of all the unknown i have in me...
i want nothing but the truth !!!

Feeling tired !

This is the first time after 6 months that i really feel tired working in this company...
too much polities , i think...
even when i am always quiet...
doing my thing..trouble still comes...
but i am not at all worry ...because whatever i do , is for the company good...
like i always says...
There will always be a time when everything just dont seem right...
Humans, family and work...
no worries , because this is part of life...
for me , as long as i do my best and live my day with fullness..
there will be no regards !!!

summary...

Have been very busy with work lately...
Have been doing some issue that the boss say ...it's not my main job...
but do i have a choice of not to do it ?
since on day 1 i have started this project ?
nevermind ...now that all my products are out in the market , i will just have to
"cheong" all the way during natas...
By the way ... i have done a 6day korea with boys over flowers site for oct..
and only one travel date , 13oct09....once and for all , after this no more this
special itine..maybe next year oct ...
next 2 program is winter 8d in jeju and seoul...one stay in ski resort which the
price will be more expensive and another one is to stay in pension ...which singaporean has not really try , but the price is much cheaper...and the pension
is beautiful ...
actually i am very proud of my 3 product...include bandung which lately more people asking....
Do drop me a email if you are interested in this itinerary ..and i will be happy to
forward it to you.

As for my boy p1, must say we are really lucky , because we got a place through balloting of 35 people , for 18 seats...and my boy's name was the 5th to call..

For my marriage life...it almost goes into the drain , really almost...
it's until 4 days ago that he was in pain and i send him to SGH...
while waiting for observing , things flow through my mind...
and the feeling of seeing someone you love in pain is really hurting...
but thank god at the end he was fine and no need to admit ...
i am just happy to have him back home after almost the full day of hospital visit..
i know there are lots of people around feeling that i am stupid..
yes , maybe i am...
but really no one knows better then myself and my heart...
what we have gone through ...
what was being done to hurt the relation...etc etc
all these no need to go into details...
for myself , for him , for our son...
we will give it a try again...
no body will expect how my son react and what he has say when i hint him that we " the grown up" problems and that we will have to go our way...
he is just a 6 years old child but he is very mature and very very homely !
i remember on the day of balloting , i went there with a " ping cang xing"...
not at all worry if i can get a place in the school or not...
during the ballot i just tell my god...
" i will let you choose the path for me ...."
and soon after i say that , my son's name was being mention....
i would say it amazing ...
but at that moment i am still having second thought...
it's only after the ballot , i went home to see him in pain and follow by
sending him to A&E etc etc...
all happens in one day...
it's only then i knows this is still the family that i want...
and i still love him alot...
life is short ...

Happy Birthday S'pore !

Just like to wish S'pore Happy Birthday !!!

no one really understand

have been feeling very stressful these days...
with boy p1 which needs balloting...
with office matters...
with home matters...
if everything goes " well" , it may be something to be happy or it may be something to sob...
whatever it's going to be , it's going to be tough.
and no one really understand why am i doing it...
maybe there are 2 person that at least understand me ..
one is BK and another is JH...Thank you to both.
I have my reasons...and i dont care if people agree , i just do my part!
Work have been very stressful...and finally my korea program is out ,
but due to some other issue in another department ..it become a killing your own
company at the end of the day...
I can only say ...it's stupid !
brainless...coz at the end of the day , the business is still belongs to the company.
why want to make it so personal...
fight with other company product and not your own , stupid!
and dont try to act like a " hao ren"....

P1 Registration

was on leave yesterday ...
coz it was a big day...registration for P1...
keep my finger cross about the balloting ...
really really hope and pray that no need ballot...
i choose that school is because it has got a student care centre in the school...

was on urgent leave today , reason because the young one was sick...
cough the whole night , vomit and breathless..
heartpain to see him very weak...
took him to doctor and now he is having his afternoon nap !
wish him good health !

Back home !!!

Was away on the company retreat ...for 3D2N...
it was a bonding for all of us to get to know each other..
but of coz there are time when this person dont like that person etc etc...
but these are small matters...overall everything was alrite.
My heart remain in sin ...i was worry about something...
and true enough it was a disappointment...
dont talk about responsible...no sense of it...
in fact it was drink and drink and drink and god knows what time reach home...
now that i am home...at 6pm ...there he was sleeping ...
and wake up blur like fxxx...
and WTF ....
I just feel like say FFFFFFFFFFFF .

Cannot believe it...

Guess what ...my friend pull out 3 white hair from my head today...
I really cannot believe it....
Maybe i under stress or maybe i use alot of my brain cells for the past few months.
Will be away for few days starting from tomorrow...
company retreat to malacca...
guess it will be a fun trip with bosses around...
eat , play ,shop and talk nonsense...
Home still messy ...and maybe even more messy...
keep my finger cross !

work work work

been busy with work laterly ...
not sure is it because i want to escape from home.
but it good to be busy.
yesterday appointment at sentosa for hotel inspection...
my god the room was beautiful with a swimming pool in the villa...
wish i can have a chance to stay in to relax ..even if alone , it's really fine.
after that my boss drop me at parkway ...not sure what to do there...
saw a watch that i have wanted for so long...but never buy , because currently i
cant spend as i wanted to...
saw working dress ...dare not even walk in to see the price.
reach home around 8+ and alone in the house , though of cooking noodles but lazy..
so never eat anything.
log in to facebook to play the silly farm game...
that is about today.
oh and also before i forgot , today in the meeting , my boss was shock by me ...
because i have voice out something which he did not expect me to..
i think at that point i was very daring...
and at the end of the day , he respect me for that...

An interesting day...

Just reach home...although it quite late at 11.40pm but i had
an interesting day...
I have almost finish my korea program ...and will put on ad vey soon...
really excited about it.
Was ask to seat in a meeting tonite...
it was kind of funny...
looking at how people defect themselves , how people stubbonly talking nonsense etc...
it was a learning lesson to me...

human thinking

Some how feel that human thinking can at times be very funny..
everybody got the mind of their own ...
some can be very stubbon..
sign !!!
Have been trying out some news things in work like being a planner ...
to plan an itinerary etc...it's not easy but no choice have to learn...
I have done out a package to bandung .." a forgotten city"...
some how i feel that this place will sell ...but it's not as wellknow as bali...
but believe me , it's up and coming...maybe who ever is interested in this 4d3n bandung package can text me...it include hot spring , safari , tea plantation , strawberry farm , factory outlet shopping etc....
my next baby is 6d4n korea in oct... i only do two dep date 12 and 13oct09...
my itinerary is different from those in market ...once i am done with it ...
i will then talk more about it...

Just dont seem to understand !

Have anyone ever have this feeling that no one seem to understand you ?
Currently i have got this feeling...
No one ... not even my mum , my sis , my husband , my friends etc etc...
It's a sad feeling ...
Do you always have to speak up and make your feeling known ?
Cant the people who always says they care ...be more sensitive towards my feeling ?

Gana Scolded

This morning took the train to work...
the woman beside me wore this crystal heart shape long ear ring...
wow...she looks really very very nice with that earing...
wish i have the same one...but i dont have ..haha
then my coll report sick today...
but she never see company doctor...which i have advise her to...
then end up of coz i got the blame...
gana scolded by my big boss...
with butter , peanut butter and kaya...
sigh ! what has that got to do with me...
well , it's just becoz i am a AM lor...
no excuse !!!
And my sister's twin have been having fever for 4 days...
refuse to eat medi..and my poor sis and mum also cannot take it liao...
lack of sleep...really very worry about them...
pls recover...

Happy Birthday !

Happy birthday to my dearest son....
I wish he grow up to be a better person...
wish him good health...
wish him happiness...
I will do my best to guide him , to protect him.
I will try to be a good mother.

Busy body...

Human is a very funny kind of animal...
The worse part of the animal is their mouth...
This mouth can hurt , can kill...
well i will not tell into details of what makes me say that...
I always believe not to listen to one sided story and now i believe in "LET IT BE".
There must be a reason why you are not getting your rewards ...
is it because of your working attitude ? before you point finger at others , think...
why ? and do i deserve it ? Human just like to say that they themselves are not at
fault...and why this why that...
For me , i believe in the working world , we need to give our best...
my thinking is before you point finger at other , think first ... what about yourself?

My friend ... who is lucky to get out of the 1st marriage and most lucky to be able to find another one who loves he or she even more...
treasure...
not everyone is as lucky as you...
and by giving up , u lent a better life...it does not mean everyone must be like you...
it does not mean giving out will be more happy...
i can only say you are not me , you wouldn't understand...
so stop your comment...

To my dearest/ E ... you are now a grown up ...and no one can advise you which path to take....it's a life thing ...take it and bear your own responsible...although now adays you do not tell me anymore of your problem " scare that i put into my blog"..
it okie...and i still care alot about you...


To my dearest / B... things seem to be getting out of hand...and it really is..
no one seem to be able to help.. everything seem too late to make amendment...
i guess you too have to bear your own responsible and better wake up or never...

Last min !

Sigh !
Was asked to attend a last min dinner with the VIP from china...
Don really feel like going but was told by boss that being AM i have to go..
Guess got no choice...
Things was ok at home lately ..everyone is doing their best to be responsible
of their own role...
Honestly i am glad that things turn up well.
and i hope it will last ...
and i must say he also put in quite alot of effort...
i know it's not easy ...
thank god !

I am fine !

Hi ... been to see 2 client in 2 days ...
not sure am i able to take their business ...
but was quite happy that both meet up turn to be quite pleasant.
and yes how you dress up really matters...
for these kind of business meeting , you have to wear more executive.

i know alot of people are very disappointed with me ...
because until now i still never do a decision.
but honestly i am fine...
these days i have see some changes in him.
i am not sure how long will it last but current moment i am happy to see he change.
keep my finger cross and pray that it does last .

Busy !

Have not been posting for quite long ...
Reason have been busy with my work ...
over the weekend have fairs etc...
although weekend burn but still very very happy..
you know the fair at suntec for senior citizen...

Boy birthday is coming ...not sure what present to get for him..
and the most excited part...primary school registration also coming soon.

Having a good cry !

Really feel like having a good cry...
Realise that i did not have a good cry for so long...
not sure the reason why i want to cry ?
I just feel very very tired ...

I don't know ...

Seriously ...I dont know...
Work till now is fine...
But family life as usual is in a mess..
Not sure who to talk to , or how to talk to him...
It's just a waste of time..
I got no one to ask ...
maybe i should ask the god...

Day 3

No joke...day 3 of promotion...
very stress hor...
got new quota , got new roles etc...
headache...
i guess i have to learn ...
stress stress stress.
no time to think of marriage matters at the moment.
Just have to keep my finger cross...
I know god will watch over me.

Is this a dream ...i am promoted !

Really still cannot believe that i am promoted ...to AM...
Well it follow by a stress...which mean i got to do every better
at this bad times...i really wonder...
well don think too much...
but at least i got happy things to post in my blog...finally...
today is sunday....
and i have plan a surprise for my dear little one...
had bought the little big club live concert tickets...
and i bring him to expo ...and as usual he very lo so...
kept asking me..mummy why are we here...
then when we reach the hall 2..
and when he saw the poster , he was so happy...
because he had wanted to watch it but i kept telling him ..no.
but seeing his happy face and how he enjoy and see along with them...
everything is worth it.
as for myself ... nothing much to care , nothing much to think..

sunday...me and boy day !

didn't have a good sleep last night..
2 reasons..
01) boy cough and vomit last night around 4am...
02) till now he is still not home...
when i was laying on the bed last night...
i think alot...
thinking of my new role in the office...
thinking of will the rest of the staff dislike me ?
thinking of how to take in more business for the company?
thinking of my boy ?
thinking of life alone with my boy , how is it like etc?
thinking of what a irresponsible guy i have married to...
but honestly , even if things dont work out , i dont hate him ...
i got no regrets in my marriage...because i really have put in effort to make it work.
i think during all these years i have been a great wife..
a wife that alot of guys would want ...
too bad it just didn;t work...
i cant change him ...
no such power to ...

maybe it really i gain some and at the same thing i lose some...

Good new and Bad new

The Good news is not only have i get my confirmation...
I am promoted to Asst Manager !
to me this is a very very good news ...so many years in this line,
this is a big reward...
I am very happy that the boss trust me...
They give me the trust and confident that i am able to take this role.
Times are bad ...yes.. but they have never given out hope on me.
After knowing the promote news...not sure why i dont feel like sharing the
good news with him...maybe i know him too well...do you think he will have a
celebration with me ? do you think he will share my joy ?
end up i share this joy with my mother and sister..
and of coz they are very happy for me.
seeing me smiling..what they don know is behind this smile ...
i am actually bleeding inside...
the bad news is , things are really getting out of hand and
maybe there will be a change of my life...
nothing confirm yet but i dont think i have much choices...
and the sad thing is ...my marriage is actually only worth 9k..
ha ha that is the best joke of the day right....
no need to worry about me..
i take it very easy now...
what will come , will come...

Nobody to share with...

Sigh !!!
Things seems to get a little out of hand..
Dont really know how to explain but it's just not on the correct path.
Seem like stranger living together under one roof.
leave me for good... i am thinking...
one good news but no body to tell...
i guess i will get my probation confirm very soon...
but nobody to share my good news...
maybe to him it's just a normal news...
sad !

Brain Storm

Was asked by the boss to brain storm of how to bring in more business...
can't think of any .. esp when i never take my breakfast...ha ha
today my friend is so nice ...cook glutinous rice for me to eat..
so sweet right...but too bad , boss needs me to go out with him during lunch
so no choice got to eat it for dinner then...can't wait to eat it..
coz it smell so nice...and people used the heart to cook one ok...
sad to say , i put on weight again...
stress...everytime i stress i will put on weight...
and i actually envy alice...at least she is starting her new life
and knows where she is heading to.
unlike me ...no head no tail...
to lotus..actually i miss your english blog...
i always have a kind of healing power when i read your english blog...
to ying...thanks for your encouragement ...for my case is no longer
encouragement that will keep me going...
i began to realise that one party trying hard to keep the relationship going
is very very difficult and very very not rewarding.
at the end of the day you will keep asking yourself...
is it worth it ?
even if your answer is no...what would you do ?
and really there is no body that i can really relay on at home..
no one at home is really that reponsible even if i entrust something for them to help.
example 1 ... entrust the father to help in bringing boy back from school, end up ask other children grand mother to do it...reason because that grand mother also wants to go and bring her grandson back from school...headache...to me is , i entrust something you guys please help , i am working and not playing outside ok..if i have this chance , i would want to bring him back myself...
example 2 ... letting boy wear a sleeveless shirt to a full bluzz air con class..
and end up the poor little fellow was feeling so cold...and the worse is the silly father can tell me , it is not me that pick the clothes for him...
well that shows that you can't be bother...common sense will tell you to help him bring along a jacket and come on this is not the first time he attend this class.
Ai yo ...dont know what to say lar...
they just can't let me have a peace of mind to do my work...
and is not that i am asking for too much...
this are just normal things...
is just that their heart this is not their main concern...
whatever is it...i too wish i can do all ths by myself...
but i can't go off at 6pm sharp...
and every one got a husband that they can relay on ...
but i dont have...
he cares about himself more then any other people and matters...
god bless him !

31may2009

Watched a movie with boy and husband...
monsters via aliens
boy enjoy the show and through out i can hear his laughter...
can see that he really grow up alot...
he can understand the show.
and this is our first family movie.
but too bad ..the family time only last till the show ends which is only about 1 hour +...

mix feeling today...

Got a lot of mix feeling today …
Just suddenly feel that the global will not stop turning for anybody…

Even if H1N1 spread the whole world…
Even if S.Korea ex-president threw himself off a cliff…
Even if N.Korea threat to attack S.Korea and US…
Even if there are earth quake…
Even if there are bombing around…

Even if someone declaring bankruptcy…
Even if someone get kill on the road…
Even if someone lose their job…
Even if someone got no income…

The global will still turn…
and days still goes on ,
the kids still needs to go school,
everyone still needs to eat…
and so on…

living in this world is already so stressful…
pls dont add on to my stress !!!
why do humans want to make matter worse ?
why can’t family life but more peaceful ?
why can’t everyone use their brain to think ?

if in life everything is fated so why should everyone bother to work ?
then better to stay at home to wait for things to happen since it fated…
then wait for money to drop from the sky , if you are fated to be rich…
these are excuses….

And I can’t understand…

I believe in fate but only 30%...
I believe 70% I will have to put in effort to work things out…
I believe in teaching my child of good manner when young…
I believe everyone got their chance in life
I believe things happen for a reason…
I believe in being truthful to partners
I believe in love
I believe in being a obey daughter
I believe in doing my duties as a mother
I believe in bonding with my son
I believe in doing my multi duties in life

I don’t believe in being rude means the child got a characters and a mine of their own…

But I never do them well…I must say…
There is an incident which prove that I am not a good mother…

There is this classmate of boy that pull both his legs and causing him to fell from the back and hit his head on the cupboard.
Of coz I am heart ache to hear that…and seeing his big “ bao” on the head , really hurts.
So as usual I went to school yesterday to check what really happens and
why I wasn’t inform
my husband will say I full of complain if he knows of this
( he never agree on things I do , but I don’t care…as a mother I feel I need to find out)
So while I was telling the teacher what happens , the boy walk in with his parents…
At that moment , I was thinking , should I tell the parent directly that your boy did something naughty to cause my son to fell and hurt his head…
Or should I just leave it to the principle to do the talking…
I have to admit that I am timid…
and my son actually very upset over why I never scold the boy…
The look in his eyes tell me so…being his mother , I know what he is thinking…
So last night ,
I ask him “ son , are you angry with mummy ?”
He say : “ no , but I am sad…”
I ask : “ why are you sad ?”
He say : “ this morning…”

See I knew it….

So I answer : “ is it because this morning , mummy saw that boy but never scold him for bullying you ?”
He say : “ yes”

So I went on to explain…” mummy knows you did not lie about the incident but the reason mummy never scold him is because I also want to give this boy a chance to explain of Why he did that and not just straight away point my finger at him and scare him and the parents…
If one day you did something that is not right , you also would want people to give you a chance to explain right ? “

He knock his head …

I went on :” I prefer to listen to both side of the story and leave it to the principle to due with the rest…”

“ and the other reason is also , mummy want you to learn to stand up and speak out and learn to protect yourself ,

Because I cant be there to protect you 24 hours and you have to really learn and I will always be there to listen to your happy things and sad things”

HA HA , Actually the reason is I timid … but I print him a beautiful picture…

Then I ask : “ do you accept my explaination ? “
He answer : “ yes”
I ask : “ are you still angry with me ?”
He say : “ no mummy …I love you, I will learn …”

I am not sure wherther this is the right way to educate son…
But I think so far so good…

And yes ..what the principle say about my son is right…
He is a nice boy…
He needs a lot of encourgement to speak out esp when he was hurt by others
He is a boy who will endure until he really can’t take it anymore…
This part I think he is just like me…

I got nothing to say about myself… just a failure
I put all my effort in my boy…
And I hope that I am able to educate him into a well manner boy …
I do not need him to be very successful in life…
But I hope that he will grow up to be a responsible person and knows what is right and wrong…

I been feeling very bad because lately there are a few activties going on in school
which also holds around 6.30pm
which of coz i am not able to attend...
i know he would prefer that i am there...
the worse to me is ... i can't depend on that man to attend...
which he never did...
other children , at least mummy cannot attend , daddy will attend...
well i got nothing to say , coz he is not at all involue...

守株待兔 !

春秋时期宋国有个农民。
他的田里长了一棵树，平常干活累了， 他就躺在树下休息。
一天，他正在田里耕种，忽然看见一 只兔子 惊慌地跑了过来，
一下子撞倒了树桩上，死了。
农民没费吹灰之力就得到了一只兔子，心里十分高兴，拎起兔子回家美美地吃了一顿。

从此，这个农民就再也不干农活了，整天守在树桩旁边，
等着兔子跑过来撞死在树桩上。
可是他再也没有遇到这样的好事， 发而把田里的庄稼全都荒废了。

Guarding the Tree Awaiting a Rabbit

In the country of Song during the Chun Qui period (literally "Spring Fall period" 770 to 476 B.C.), there lived a farmer who had a tree in his field. Whenever he was tired from working, he would rest under the tree.
On day he was tilling his field. Suddenly a panic stricken rabbit ran past him, crashed into the tree and killed itself. The farmer caught it with less effort than it takes to blow ashes. He was very happy to take it home for a delicious rabbit stew dinner.
From then on, he did no work in his field. He waited by his tree for another rabbit to run into it and kill itself. This didn't happen, and his fields lay fallow and bare.

Chinese idiom: 守 株待兔 (shǒu zhū dài tù - literally "guard tree wait rabbit" (You're waiting for a rabbit.)
Meaning: Foolishly waiting for a most unlikely windfall instead of doing any work.

My boss say this :

只有您从不言弃，
勇于面对，
您就能创造出奇迹 !!!

Cool and Calm..

To my own surprise ...
I was cool and calm...
A bit calm till i myself is scare.
I went to see someone but end up getting myself more confuse.
I start to feel ,i can't trust anyone esp myself..
sometime cannot even trust myself...
something scary happen last nite ...
i wont put into words of what actually happens
but i can only say i am scare ...very scare at that moment.
if this cont ...one of these day i will go crazy.
i really hope he can change.
is turning over a new leaf so difficult ?
is that my only way out ?
why there are so many this kind of cases around...
but everyone got one problem,
but i guess i am "lucky"...because i have all the problems...
and yes ... now not even god can help me...
and the crazy thing is ...i can even be so calm till i think of cooking
ginseng chicken soup tomorrow...
why am i so calm ?

Friday...

Yes it's friday...
but dont seem to be looking forward to weekends...
not sure why...
my boss have been out station for nearly a week...
kind of missing him in office...at least when he is around
we can work better..
although when he is back i will be expecting more work...
but i still look forward to it.
feeling myself like a living dead people...
trying to ignore lots of problem and hoping the problem will solve by itself..
is it possible ? of coz i got the answer...it's not possible lor.
what can i do ?
make the matter worse ? rub salt ? leave for good ?
yesterday my boy went to visit the new born baby...
when i reached home , he happily tell me , mummy can you give me a baby ?
ha ha ..not possible!
i rather give him a dog...
till today problems remain unsolve...
problems are still problems...
not sure if god can help to advise me on anything ?

自欺，欺人。。。

在人的一生。。。我认为， 最可怕的是。。。

自己骗自己。。。

我也何尝不是如此呢！



知道不可以这样下去。。。但是依然一头栽下去

我也何尝不是如此呢！

Tomorrow...i am going to see someone...
i shall then decide...

Panda..

Going to be a panda soon ....
every night cough till death...
think if this goes on , i am going to cough out blood liao.

Recently , "market" really quiet .. really today still got a bit of things to do..
or else if this goes on headache.. tell myself be positive..

Yah , a good news , my sis in law is giving birth today ...baby boy...
babies are cute...

As for me , in office having more p and c work to do.
and all along , i do not like to gossip with staff ...so whenever they gossip
and i walk pass ...they all keep quiet ... dont care lar..just do my work
and if the boss trust me , i will just do my part...

One thing to look forward this year , primary one registration in july 29.
Looking forward to that , and i already got a school in mind...
just a normal school but i choose it because of the student care inside the school
which i think will be better for boy... at least , when i work , i know that he
is well taken care of . since i cant depend on the man etc.

Since monday i been feeling very very funny...not sure how to put into words
but i know this is just not me...
looking tough on the outside...and should be soft on the inside but funny is ,
looks like inside also harden...maybe i am just too tired...of everything.

God ....just when will i deserve a better life....

The truth and The facts

How many person in this world really face the truth....
To me the truth is always hurting ...
Actually all along i been escape from the fact that i am not so important
in his heart...
there are so many so many incident for me to see...
but i just refuse to face it...
maybe he should feel his heart and tell me honestly where i really stands...
i think the answer will be i dont know...haha
dispute so many has happen ...i still believe in love.
I really believe love will change a person...
if this person dont change, it mean the love for you is not that strong.
or you can say the love may not be there.
I am just an little apple who loves to drink chinese tea and an little
apple that believe in love....
True love will make someone changes for you , am i right ?

weekends..

Last weekends was the very first week then there is no more
horse racing channel in my house ...
the reason is because , i cancelled it.
as i guess i had enough..giving chance one after another and to endure
nonsense from the group of people hoping that they would be more considerate
in the sense of dont smoke at my house etc...
whatever...it's over and for my boy ...i have got to take this step to go ahead
to cancel it...i know alot of people is not happy about it..
well i given enough chance , didn't i ?
but i dont see any improvement...so dont blame me for doing that...
it's for my son own good and for my house own good.
My son make egg sandwiches which he learn in school...
of coz to me , it's tasty...
my son enjoy it too.
as for the big one...think it's a cloudy day for him..maybe even lightning...
it not that i am on cloud nine...it actually hurts alot seeing him down and down
but honestly , i am a useless wife , coz i am not able to change him..
see how useless am i ...love can't change him , not even if losing a family
can hold him back ...even if you hammer him , it would be useless...
a person who choose not to wake up , will never ever wake up.
i know sooner or later i will go crazy with this kind of life style..
sooner or later i will get really tired...
what to do next....appleteas is not sure.
but really this is not the way to treat the family ...in fear !

human living in this world..

well...nothing much to say today ...
seem like posting the same thing over and over again.
till even myself is sick of it...
the only thing i would like to say is...
we are not living alone is this world.
everything we do will affect those that are around us.
just like if i am having a very bad day in office and in a lousy mood...
yes i need to have a drink to relax myself but most of the time i am not
able to do so...because i still got a little one waiting at home and
it's my duties to be home after work to attend to him.
so this means we are not alone living in this world..
we can't just say , i wont be home tonight...
we can't just say , i am going out till dont know what time...
things like that...
we can't just leave the country and throw every responsible to the next better player.
where the hell is the sense of responsible ?
where the hell is the duties of parents , kids , etc etc.
like in ofc , if my boss is away for few days...
you think the next people will be able to take over his job ?
i tell you ...no body is able to take over anybody...
and i dont care how the hell is you in person..
so what if you are self central and refuse to change your stupid pattern and
exp the whole world to be able to take your nonsense ...
you must be crazy...sooner or later people will get tired of you...
if you dont turn back your head and think for yourself , no one in this world
can think for you...yes not even your parent who can't even safe themselves.
i am not here to endure and endure....
i am not here to pay back my debt of my prev life...
i am not sure why god send me here but there must be a reason of why ...

Back to work force !

After a day of sleep...finally back to work force today.
Actually better to work.
because i feel lonely at home..esp when i am sick..
alone in a empty house ...
i never like to feel lonely...
actually i think my house is call a house and not a home...
what is the diff between a house and a home...
the diff to me is great...
house is just for people to come back to sleep ,
as for a home , people who lives in there can talk anything under the sun and
people inside there care and concern about each other.
people inside has a responsible to each other and have wonderful dinner together.
the person who currently keep me going is of coz my dearest son...
he has got a sweet mouth...he say mummy i will take care of you with my love.
sweet right.
but i scare he is too soft...his cousin always bully him and just last nite
i heard that she dont allow boy to play with her toys and even push him and bit him.
as a mother , what should i teach my son?
i can't ask him to bit back right ?
i can only say ...that is because she has not learn how to share and good children
will know how to share. and he just knock his head ..then say but mummy jie jie
push and bit me ! i told him never bit anyone , just go to a grown up and tell he
or she what happen and the grown up will settle the rest.
i am not sure am i teaching the right thing but seeing my own son let people
bully , it does hurt.
what can i say ? tell him to hit back or fight ?
that is not my way of doing things.
i told him learn to protect yourself , dont just stand there and let her hit...
run...i think i am the worse mother in the world.
and i can't go and teach my sis in law daughter to behave.
sigh !!!

MC...

Was on Mc the whole of today...
down with bad cough for a month and also flu...
but it's not swine flu ..
slept the whole of today...
only one word ...sweet dreams ...
so long never sleep so much and sleep so well...
this mc cause me never turn up for a important meeting today...
sigh ! what to do ...

money or family

lets post about work...finally start work in my new unit...
it good to have everything new...
and i am not at all wishy washy at work...but come to family life...
i always dont want to face the fact...
in life is money the most important things ?
money important or family important ?
of coz i know no money cannot ...
bu for me , i choose family more important...
a home have to be a place where you are able to relax and be yourself , a place full of respect and love , care and concern...
my home is not a good place for kids...
at times i just wonder what kind of mum am i ?
selfish i guess... holding on to a home that is loveless...
everyone in the house is too self central..
the worse fear is not a matter of walking toward a wrong path in life..
the worse fear is infact , knowing that you are heading the wrong way ..
but still cont to walk and finally reach a stage that you got no way to turn back.
once you reach a stage that there is no way to turn back , it scary...
what next ? cont the journey ? or stop walking ?
i am not sure !

Posting in my new office...

So happy coz i am now posting in my new office unit...
with a swimming pool view and using my net book...
it nice to move upstairs ...and guess by monday we will start work
in this new unit ...
looking forward to it...
and yes tomorrow is a holiday..plan to bring boy out...
and sunday is mothers day ...
i wish every mother include myself a happy mother's day...
may all our kids be healthy and cheerful always!
cheers to all mothers !

Paranoid !!!

I was so upset yesterday night...tears actually drop down but i control it back...
Actually i mean to say put on a shirt coz there is another outsider around in the
house , that's my sis in law new maid...
to me is a respect and also how you carry yourself...
but of coz end up we dont agree with each other coz as usual
his big eyes and hurting words and yes he say i am paranoid...
ok ..if you say so ...and even turn my words around...
that's is the thing that i can't take it...
nowadays he talk to me also without respect...very sad .
and everything i say he will not agree with me.
it become like i am the odd one out...
deep inside i felt very upset.
but i decided to just leave it...
why should i force a person who don even know how to gain people respect..
why should i make my own life difficult..
come to think of it , i got nothing to lost...
it he who dont know how to treasure the family life...
it's his lost.
he who lost his way , will forever lost his way if he doesn't want to find the right path ....

ok something to be happy about...
our new office is almost ready and yes me and my boss went to ikea to buy
the book shelf , tables etc...
so far we are quite happy to be in this company...we would have proven ourselve if not for the H1N1 case...our sales would have increase...
no choice, just got to see how it goes...
and yes M has bought me my hp pointer , and would be bringing it to me by this week.

swimming...

this noon had a date with M ..at his condo ...
he ask me to bring boy there for a swim
and very lucky , today weather very good..
and of coz boy had a great time...
at first he scream like nobody business coz he is very scare.
then M let him gain trust and then boy finally swim with M holding him.
Seeing them having a great time , i am really very happy too!
The pic of seeing the boy enjoying our company is just very beautiful!
and i really thank you M for giving boy such a wonderful time.

Back at home , boy cousin came ...
they like to play with each other but everytime shortly after that this cousin
of his will always throw temper at him ...and everytime bully him etc...
i think i am not a very good mother... i cant protect him and always ask him to
give in to the cousin...even if the cousin is in the wrong.
sign !!! what to do , i can got the right to teacher my son so how can i teacher other people kid ...
that why my boy become so " soft" like me!
I am so sorry my boy ...

swine flu !

Indeed...this has been a very big problem for me...
in total already 4 trips been cancelled...
heart pain...because me and my boss put in so much effort.
what to do ...things happen for a reason.
although no more confirm trip for me to go but i still believe god closed a door
on us but he will open another door for us....
of coz when i get to know group being cancel even to aust , taiwan , seoul etc..
at first really cannot get over it...because we are just about to hand in out
a very good report book on our dept but then this thing happen ...
although in our country there is no confirm cases just yet but it's only
right for our govt to be very on the ball...
that night i went for my sauna...after that i feel really good...
and the next day i am ready for battle again...
and i hope this swine flu will quicky go off..or else my industry will be in big trouble...
keep my finger cross...pray real hard and dont give out!!!

舞台剧

好久没看舞台剧了。

发现自己真的很爱看。。

还记得第一部是向云的雨季。直到现在我还深深的记得。

昨晚和M 一起看了，

天冷就回来。。。



看后感到心情很城重，关于情绪的处理，爱。。。

像小静，人鬼殊途 ，无奈。。。让阿乐开始自己的新生活。不舍的“让爱”。。。无奈。。。

Overall it a very good drama and no regrets in watching and I know M enjoy it too…

There is a poem in the drama…by Cummings…also very meaningful…



Anyone lived in a pretty how town


by E. E. Cummings


anyone lived in a pretty how town(with up so floating many bells down)
spring summer autumn winter
he sang his didn't he danced his did
Women and men(both little and small)cared for anyone not at all
they sowed their isn't they reaped their same
sun moon stars rain children guessed
(but only a fewand down they forgot as up they grew
autumn winter spring summer)
that noone loved him more by more when by now and tree by leaf
she laughed his joy she cried his grief
bird by snow and stir by still
anyone's any was all to her someones married their everyones
laughed their cryings and did their dance
(sleep wake hope and then)
they said their nevers they slept their dream stars rain sun moon
(and only the snow can begin to explain
how children are apt to forget to remember
with up so floating many bells down)
one day anyone died i guess(and noone stooped to kiss his face)
busy folk buried them side by side
little by little and was by was all by all and deep by deep
and more by more they dream their sleep
noone and anyone earth by april
wish by spirit and if by yes.
Women and men(both dong and ding)summer autumn winter spring
reaped their sowing and went their came
sun moon stars rain

I am ok...

Hi dear readers....
I am ok...busy with planning of move office...
got so many things to follow up like ordering a offical grand opening ribbon ball,
order water dispenser etc...and of coz also busy with daily work...
think i will have at least 2 official trip to make in the month of may and june.
and now infact i am leaving for star cruise tonight.
with my boy ...will update when i am back...
this trip is without him...
and i think i will enjoy.
bye for now ...

accept me for what i am...???

to me , i think it's kind of selfish to say that ...
esp when in a marriage ...
how can one person accept everything and the other party not changing to
any better to help to save the marriage...
instead just throw you this sentence ..." accept me for what i am"
then my answer is sorry i can't and i dont know how long more can i stand..
i just have to wait till the day when i totally give up and lose heart.
a person who would not even consider to change his habits like late night , drinking,
gamble etc for the family...is he worth after all ?
yes no one is prefect and not even me...but at least i am willing to change my temper
etc for my family . in fact through out all these years...i have change alot...
lately my mum even tell me very seriousely that if one day i choose to end my marriage she will give me all her support...
i am not sure why she say that , but i think "outsider" can tell lor...
how much effort in put in etc...
nothing serious actually happen ...it is just that this person is not willing to do alot of things for the family ...he just think too much for himself...
seeing him taking all the hardship , i too feel the heart pain but instead he mention
that i am a bad wife who always wish that he won't get rich...
come on , in this world who dont want money , who dont wan to get rich and stay comfortable , got maid and $ to give birth to more kids etc...
but i still believe in stable income , at least dont have heart attack for the family.
anyway it's just that he is still unable to have a mature thinking and chinese saying ...never see coffin , tear wouldn't drop but for him i can only say...
he is a person who see coffin also dont tears.
enough about him...
my boy is good and obey...his mouth is very very sweet...
and one thing i am so happy about...i am going to watch a drama at the drama centre theatre on the 28apr nite " if there's seasons...."
i love to watch chinese drama but always no ka kee to go together...
thanks m for accompany me ....
another thing is last week , a woman give up her seat to me in the MRT...
i nearly faint...so i decided to do something about it...
watch what i see and drink etc...
if i can cut down on my weight ...then i will post in about my diet plan.

Happier...

Went for a movie after work with my ex...
watch shopaholic..funny show for laugh...it was good esp after all the stress
at work for a week...
now we are friends and we still enjoy each others company...
it was nice to have a friend who concern ...
find out that he bought the same hp model with me...
before watching movie..we went for the 99 cents sushi...
surprise that we both only ate $19.00...cheap rite.
this year i think i will have lots of trip oversea...
it's something good esp for my career...
i will treasure this chance.
and everyone esp joreal mum...not to worry about me as i am actually happier then before..and do not feel any heart pain for me as i choose this path myself.
and till now i have never hurt anyone...coz to love someone is not easy and
to hurt someone is even more difficult.
if there is hurt in your heart , u will not live to be a happy person...
and yes , i still love everyone ....

Update

So long never blog....
I come back from kl till now everyday also very very busy...
busy with work , quotation , meetings...
think i will be away on business trip during early may and early jun...
it really good to be busy !
as for family ...this trip came back from kl realise that my boy grow up alot...
but still very skinny...
and this trip also makes me more independant...
we just went for a family day at sentosa ...boy really enjoy...
and seeing him so happy , everything pay off...
i spend a total of $111.00 for visiting 4 places in sentose..
really ex... but once a while is alrite....
next year boy is going for primary school...think i will put him also in student care...i more or less decided...
this arrangment will be better for him.
as for myself...still the same old thing...
only differ is now i care more about my career...and boy..

20Mar09 - still away...

today is the third day that i am away...
2more days to go and i will be back in sin soon...
missed my little one who is normally home with the grandmother...
sometimes i find him really poor thing...mummy not in town and the daddy not at home...
actually i really cant understand..
anyway last nite slept at around 2am ...today got to wake up at 6am...
and whole day busy ..miss my bed..
update a bit about this trip..
1st day was like lots of hicups...lorry late , tc not happy and some rooms not ready etc etc..but i told myself..today lots of nonsenses , tomorrow will be better...
second day got lots of free time but no where to go coz too far from town etc...
end up spend $ on spa and facial...it was consider cheap..total 3 hours abt RM170+.
Then night went for japanese dinner. taste was alrite.these few days i eat lots of fruits..cause all my fav water melon , papaya etc.
think i put on weight again..
today will be out from 7am-11pm i guess...
good to be busy then no time to think lots of nonsense..
and today i am expecting an answer.. and no matter what the answer is , i am well prepared and i will take what comes .. THINGS WILL HAPPEN WHEN THEY ARE MEANT TO BE !
Ya bought my boy a broad game..actually wanted to get him the ski gear but end up with a junior broad game...he is the power of my life... Miss my boy so much.

Away.

Going away for awhile....due to work...
it may be good in a way to leave for a while...
but the person i miss most is of coz my boy...
he is so sweet , unlike the father...
who is already sleeping like a pig since 9pm...
my boy say mummy i will miss you ...can i call you when you away?

p/s: yesterday i posted all ????? because i very down and really got nothing more to say ...very very sian with him ! never endless trouble , never endless hole !

16 March 2009 ....

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Family day !

A family day ...me and boy only !
To the singapore science centre...
I guess boy enjoy..
the most eyes opening thing is not anything is the science centre...
it is .....
the science centre actually flooded ... ha ha ha...
even inside the science centre...very funny right..
how can a place of interest flood ?
but lucky we almost finish when rain drops came inside the building ...
and when we about to leave , outside of coz also flooded...
cars cannot come in and cannot go out...
what matters is my boy enjoy ....
p/s : me ? i am of coz disappointed !

missing my chinese post...

I really really miss posting in chinese ...
could i feel that i could express myself better ..
how to type in chinese ? i dont know..last time i use my nokia phone and email to myself , from there i copy and paste..now using LG i cannot email...
headache...
well it been so long since i really take time to think of my feeling and post in my blog..
reason is because i been busy in work and because i dont wan to pick up a war in my blog , because i really got no solution and no intention to settle anything at the moment...family is still too important to me....call me useless what ever , i dont care...like what i saw in lotus blog...放弃一个很爱你的人并不痛苦,放弃一个你很爱的人那才痛苦...
yes indeed it true ...only i know myself feeling and only i can decide for myself..
well i am going away on a 5 days working trip...
kind of looking forward to it ...

p/s : lotus thanks for your post...

A gathering day ...

This morning , sis and mum bring us all out to eat "dian xin"
cause sis say she did not buy me anything for my birthday...
so this meal she pay...
then meet up with my brother to go to ex coll 's daughter birthday party..
It was a so call gathering for us ...and i am glad that they still get me involue
even i am no longer in the company...
and i guess so were shock to see me bring another guy along and that my boy
is quite closed to him too...well he is my brother ..know him for almost 10 years..
after that bring the little one to see doctor...very worry about him ..
always cough ...and doc say he is very very under weight...
not sure what can do done ..
and brother was there till we finish seeing doctor..
really hope i am able to get him a job in my company...
looking forwards to work with him again...

Messy !!!

What shall i say ?
What can i do ?
Not sure ...
what is the best solution to overcome this problem ?
Things are getting a little messy !!!
I also not sure what can i do ?
It does affect my work alittle esp today and i know i am trying very hard not to !
Cannot really do my work well today ...
so sorry to boss !
I promise i will quicky get back into the right mind ...
And work hard ...
I pray of his safety ...

My Birthday !!!

Today is my birthday !!!
Birthday in the younger days is special and is a die die must celebrate day , ha ha!
Maybe i age liao ...now this day at this age , can let me rest a day , i am already very happy ! And yesterday in office was so " ma lo" ...got a delivery of flower to office for me ...pie say is because i am only one month old in office...and imagine the MD run in to tell you to go out to sign for my flower...haha i would say it more of pie say then anything lor...anyway big boss also give me a ang bao and best of all , a day off today ...which i needed very badly ...
If you guys are guessing is it my hubby who send me the flower ...
U have the wrong guess...
It KC..thanks alot ...it does cheer me up but dont waste money lar...
Now in work is more challenger ...coz me and boss only got one goal....
to brand (make known) our company name..and we think we can make it ...
so now everyday is not just report to work ...
i like it...although tired but positive is good ...and having a goal is best ...

Mind game = Tired !!!

It been so long since i blog...
it's not that things are improving neither is it things are getting worse..
it that i am just too tired to blog...
busy with work , after work already dog tired ...
i am not afraid of my readers getting sick of my happening and honestly i don't care!
still the same old thing in me and my marriage
nothing to be happy about and nothing to be sad about...
Birthday coming..as i grow older , the things that i want or expect is different...
last time when i was young , i wish for a wonderful boy friend
when i get marry , i wish for a baby
now i wish for a happy family with responsible people living inside
had met an old friend last few days , she just had a divorce..
which the hubby has got a china woman 5 years ago...
and the hubby of hers kept asking for divorce..
but because of love , because of the 2 boys , she hold on to the family...
she told herself that she will give herself 5 years.
finally the day that her mum pass away , she agree to divorce...
why she hold till 5 years ?
alot of you may think she is silly , stupid etc but her reason is she wants to
make sure that when she sign this paper , she has totally give out on this man
and will not regret what she did...
this is what i have in mind too...
anyway like what she say , "she is not in a rush to divorce"
she needs to be answerable to herself...
this time round i find her very tough ! she really give out on him ...
i admire her spirit...
another friend of mine , which is a married man so call girl friend...
she and me is quite alrite friend
but i just hate it that she loves to play mind game esp with that man
i can't understand why must do that and i really really really hate it lor...

......

I am fully exhausted by work today ...
no mood to comment on any thing...
and yes , i can't live without a MAN !!!

U are not me ...u won't understand...

There is this anonymous 946 who comment in my blog...
Only one thing i can say ...u are not me , u won't understand...
Last time when i see this kind of comment i will feel sad ,
but this time round i did not...
because i know that i need not answer to everybody of my decision and i
also need not answer to anyone that am i just everytime say say only..

he or she mention...

if love made you so tire, then whats there for you to hold on ?

don tell me if someone very tire of living then better go and end their life..

if making decision on such thing is soooo easy , then this thing will not be a problem ... i am not the only person living in this world...any decision done ,
i am actually affecting alot alot of people and alot alot of things...
marriage is not 2 person matters and so is divorce...

he or she also mention...

You think you cannot leave him because you LOVE HIM????? Then by making a man who don't love you to sleep beside look GREAT????

and yes , my answer is i still love him till now...and it's not so easy as let go and find another man , another new life ... if getting out and find someone new to love is so easy then what value is love ?
and i also do not need to answer to anyone of do i look great to sleep beside a man who dont love me... how many person can confirm that the person sleeping beside you loves only you ?
And i don think he dont love me , more or less still have a little but of coz love himself more.

You are as selfish as your husband.
LOVE HIM is your excuse........having a complete family is also an excuse....... money is also an excuse........your son also an excuse...............

you may be right...i got lots of excuses ...

I know my matter best ....and yes , till this very moment i am still confuse...

To my readers , i write this blog to let myself vent, so that i will feel better ,
coz i do not have people to talk to ...
u do not need to agree with whatever i say but pls have some respect...
if you feel that i write all nonsense , then dont log on to my blog...
i record down my true feelings ...anything wrong with that ?
i am a normal human , i am not a movie star or anything ,
i am just a normal woman , wanted normal life...
maybe 10 years down the road , i am still the same ...
still complaining and still no action...only god knows
maybe people is getting tired of my blog, but i dont care , i dont write
hoping more people to come in and read my blog...
and i don need people to see anything great in me ...

18feb09

Feeling tired today ...
feel like going back to zzzzzzz
work matter quite good... bosses respect my decision of mostly everything..
hope to get awarded projects very soon..
and my image of myself actually change...
i am more executive look now...haha
fell in love with pure mineral make up powder..
very good very natural...
oh ya...yesterday my boy told me about his "girl friend" in k1...
cannot stand him ..nowadays kids..horrible...
he say she kiss him everyday , coz she say he is cutie ..
infact i find my boy really quite handsome ..haha
as for myself ...really dont know ..

Wake up !!!

What will you do if someone tells you he is not able to change ?
Be it for the seek of family or himself ?
Yes , the message is being send across ...
" I will not change ..."
stay by me and endure it or just leave it...
I got to really admit that this is nothing new and i been laying to myself
all these while , believing and give chance one after another thinking that he will change.. now my heart break ...not sure what to do ?
To stay put , i think i am crazy..
yes , till now i still love him alot...
but what about my dear son...i need to think for him too...
he ..don love me as much as i love him...
I scare of cats but he never chase them for me ,
i say i like a handbag but he never bother to find out which one i like ..
never bore to give me surprise..
no sign of improvement...still late nite ..
i promise myself that i will give it a final thought...tonite...
but $1800 per month can be a single mother ?
i wonder ...
giving out is really not a easy task...

songs !!!

曲名：爱你实在太累


感情渐渐离去泪湿我的心 忘记这段情 忘记你是我唯一
女人的心早已离去
撕碎的回忆让我狠狠忘记你 爱你实在太累
没有后悔流下泪 疼你的人已心醉
用过的泪不后悔 虽然爱你实在太累
爱过的人不想再醉
伤了 走了 醉了 碎了
爱了你实在太累
喔欧欧～～
爱你实在太累 没有后悔流下泪
疼你的人已心醉 用过的泪不后悔
虽然爱你实在太累 爱过的人不想再醉
伤了 走了 醉了 碎了
爱了你实在太累

songs !!!

爱上你是一个错
作词 作曲:陈国华
演唱:廖昌永

人生有许多难关要过
自古是情关最让人难受
也许我命中注定情海中颠簸
为你我付出这么的多
却让我痛到有苦不能说
因为我爱你就像那飞蛾扑向火
请你告诉我爱上你是一个错
别让我失魂落魄著了魔
解开我的迷惑收起你的冷漠
你怎忍心这样做
请你告诉我爱上你是一个错
别让我漫漫长夜守寂寞
伤痛已经太多心也早以伤透
我已不想再为谁去等候

人生有许多难关要过
自古是情关最让人难受
也许我命中注定情海中颠簸
为你我付出这么的多
却让我痛到有苦不能说
因为我爱你就像那飞蛾扑向火
请你告诉我爱上你是一个错
别让我失魂落魄著了魔
解开我的迷惑收起你的冷漠
你怎忍心这样做
请你告诉我爱上你是一个错
别让我漫漫长夜守寂寞
伤痛已经太多心也早以伤透
我已不想再为谁去等候
请你告诉我爱上你是一个错
别让我失魂落魄著了魔
解开我的迷惑收起你的冷漠
你怎忍心这样做
请你告诉我爱上你是一个错
别让我漫漫长夜守寂寞
伤痛已经太多心也早以伤透
我已不想再为谁去等候

Happy Valentine !

This day to me is not as meaningful as before...
last time i will get angry if this day is not being celebrated or no flowers for me.
but now i am alrite...and of coz this year i got nothing too...
when both people care alot about each other ,
everyday also is valentine...
but when both are not in love ...
everyday is a horrible day...
i used to always say , i am doing it for boy...
but i think i am selfish...
i realise more and more that this home enviroment is really not suitable for a kid...
i become quite worry...
i am so afraid he will get influence all the bad habits...
am i really thinking for him ?
if i really think for him , all the more i should be something...
coz up bringing is very important...

Friday ...

It finally friday but tomorrow still got to work...
kind of lazy to work on sat...but no choice...
well i had a real good and deep sleep last nite , tks to the oil , i guess...
for so many years i didn't have deep sleep..
thanks friend for being so caring...
then next time i must say i so long never have a relax holiday ,
then maybe i will get free airtickets and accomodation ,
haha ...too much rite , just kidding...
nothing much to update today ...just that i am happy that i had a good sleep...
VT is coming , guess every year will be the same ...
no surprise , no special...
well no choice , it's just another day...
Wish everyone happy VT DAY !!!

Early bird...

Nowadays wake up quite early coz i got to gel my hair...
ha ha , kind of tired of it but my silly hair dresser refuse to do bonding for me..
coz he say i look nice with my perm... i know but very troublesome lor...

me is current still in one piece .. work , very good ...no worries abt that
and bosses also quite like me...
boy , these few day i try to come back on time , so he start to open up and
talk to me again ...i guess he understand why i am always no at home ..
got to work mah ...
Him , still look lost...Well , honestly , I haven’t get over it yet..
Got lots and lots of questions on my head ..
wherther his explaintion is true or not , only he himself knows
But I still hope to know the truth……anyway I can’t accept that my partner never come back without a valid reason ...This has cross my limit...
世上谁无错，
错而不懂得改过，
那你就自己去解决你的祸。。。
ha ha , i wrote the above myself...and i am very proud of my chinese , haha...
if there is next life i will not wan a self central man...
to him ... thansk for the gift...knowing that i didnt sleep well,
he bought me a oil burner and a deep sleep essential oil...
i light it last nite...never got deep sleep but i think i sleep well...
thanks alot friend...

marriage ... once ? twice ?

Last nite i slept like a baby ...thanks to cheong .. coz we went for massage in the
evening ... i am glad that at least i catch some sleep...
last nite came home saw my boy ...
he suddenly mention " mummy , a house is build by a daddy , mummy and baby rite ?" shock by his words , i answer him " i will build a house by myself..."
he was also shock ..." u know how to build a house ?"
me : " i dont know but i can try "
boy : " mummy , i will help u ok..."
cute little boy rite ...of coz he doesn't know what i really mean ...
my bonding with my boy is just so close...
anything happen in school he will tell me ... but of coz nowadays see him less ,
he is kind of closer to the grandmother ...but no worries , the bonding between mummy and baby is always there and strong... just hope he grow up to be a better person.
Last nite chat with cheong about , guys..marriage ..etc etc
endless chat ...
and i must tell u jxxxxxa , u are very very lucky to have him ...( i been working with him for 4 years ... he is really a man that u can count on, coz he is ready to commit.)
beening fail in the first marriage and to be able to find someone who still
really love and treasure us , it's really not easy...
i guess knowing him also give u a courage to give out on your 1st marriage totally...
to your first man ...it's your lose...
to you treasure this new man...
to my friend ( your current man ) love her dont hurt her coz she been hurt very badly...
as for me , it's easy ..it's either give out or endure...
dont hope for changes , coz things are not going to change for any better...
years by years pass and everything is still the same ...
when a person refuse to grow up and take the responsible , u can't force !!!

personal

guess what...
more or less it does affect my work today...
make a few mistakes... but lucky is small mistake..
so many years in the working force...
how can i still bring my personal trouble to my work place rite...
useless me...
of coz there are lots of questions in my head...
but so what if i ask ?
i just pray that i will have a good , sweet sleep tonight...
be it wherether he is coming back or not...
FXXX care !

Monday...mood..sleepy

Now is 7am in the morning...last nite i slept at 9pm ,
wake up at 12am , toss in bed till 4am...
alarm ring at 6am...
going to work soon...
the reason of my not sleeping...he is not back home , till now...
no answer of hp...
of coz it kept me wonder where he spend the nite..
I think she maybe back...
Whatever it is , to me it's just no sense of responsible..
due to late nite , next day no need to go work ..
just not sensible enough to think rite...
short cut , play hard , enjoy life...
of coz i do feel sad that he did not come home as promise...coz still got feeling for him...
but i guess i have to face it and face whatever that comes to me...
and may not let my emotion affect my work today...
this is personal nothing to do with work..
off to work now...wish me happy..

to he or she who find my blog full of complain , then stop reading my blog...
it's my blog and i will write whatever i want...

08feb09.

Just came back from dinner..
And feeling very sad..coz just had a quarrel with him.
We are just very different...
I wanted a family time but he think other wise..
He went out again..to watch soccer...i can't stop him of coz...
who am i ... to stop him . anyway ...i have make up my mind...
i am not going to everytime keep quiet and wait for him to change...
I guess i have given enough chance...it's either he give out this kind of life or give out me and son...
I guess i had enough..
every day face a empty house like no husband and my boy everyday like no father...
if i dont think for myself i also have to think for my boy...
this is not healthy for my little one...
till now he still dont understand me well enough..
I guess i had enough...

真得好不甘愿。。。
因为我心里已经很不服气了。
还不明白我为什莫不开心。。。

I beening working for 1 week
And I see him for almost only one 1 hour for the whole week (exclude sleeping)
Ha ha don’t believe right but it’s the true…
Like I have step on his tail…
I talk loud coz very noisy outside…he say I too loud like scolding him
I talk soft he say I too soft…
Very hard to pleased rite.
Very small air…worse then woman..

Company new year dinner !!!

Went to K-box for company dinner.. I must say i enjoy !!!
Cause i feel this company really like a " family"
MD n D sing song , very fun...
But i must say , i really miss my boy...
and tonight when i reach home he is already asleep...
looking at his face , i feel very bad...but due to i just join this company ,
i have to show result and i can't just leave at 6pm sharp ...
Anyway everything at the K box was fine...
untill he and me talk on the phone...
my place was noisy...so i was a little loud..and of coz he sound fed up.

someone like me a comment...in my post yesterday..
i am not sure who this person is..but..
after reading , i feel mayb this person don't understand me too well...
but it's ok ...
thanks for reading my blog...and thanks for your comment...

P/s...today i haven't see him yet !!!

From happy to angry...

Whole day in ofc was exciting...
Seem like time pass very quicky in this new ofc..
maybe because we are very busy setting up therefore time pass fast.
and also because tonite got dinner entertainment and tomorrow nite got company
new year dinner at k box...sound exciting.
Dinner was ok..eat lots of seafood which i wanted to eat for so long...
I reach home at 10.10pm...and guess what , i hear my boy voice...
OMG he is actually still downstair when it should be his bed time...
I get really really angry about it...coz i just dont like the idea that he is downstair behaving like wild kids and there are those old man and woman gamble
playing cards...I dont like this kind of up bringing...
Again he will think that " what wrong with that ? why am i making a big fuss over it?"
Things that i am not happy about.
No 1 , it not that i go out to enjoy myself , once a while i got to entertainment
why can't he as a husband tell me not to worry and he will help to look after boy for the nite... why must it be when i come home late , he will have to be later then me ? and is majong more important then bringing the son back from school ?
Brainless ... the no. of hours he sees his boy is infact less then 2 hours...
no sense of responsible...

No 2 , the parent everyday gamble downstair , since i got appointment why cant they just help to look after my boy in a proper way ? one two hours dont gamble won't die ok....

No 3 , i though my boy is in good hands , end up is let him play downstair by himself and cont to gamble...i think it's really crazy lor...

No 4 , it's not that i dont allow boy to play downstair...
they also have to see the time what...it's already 10+ and tomorrow got school k...
Very TL lor... and the purpose of bringing him down is not that the grand parent want to have fun with him lor...it's that they themself itchy...want to gamble..

and now is already 11pm + and that fellow went drinking will be back late...
this kind of father really ....@#%#%$^#%$Y

Today i see him for not even an hour...

why cant everyone just do their part....
it not that i want to work, it's i need to work...
so help me in taking good care of the boy , let me rest in peace that he is in good hands...
let me rest my heart so that i can do well in my work...
be responsible....when u are a father , pls behave like one...
when u are a husband , pls behave like one...
when u are grand parent , pls behave like one...
This family is just super funny and super crazy....
$#^%$&%^$&%$#%#$%&(*

04feb09...

Third day at work...feel myself happier than in the old office...
maybe becoz the people over in the new office seem to be more friendly .
So it's not so bad after all to leave ..maybe that explain for my marriage too..
It may not be so scary afterall...
Today i took MRT to work instead...just to try out which is better ,
by bus or train...i should say both got it + and - points...
Now that i started work , my time at home is less and very less...
I miss my boy mostly but i know i got to work hard for him.
I am really glad that i enjoy working now although i have to start all over again and put in more effort in my new company but i am happy...
$ matters on us still the same...can't out talk him so just keep my mouth shut...
and of coz now my time seeing him is also lesser...
no choice if people don't feel that he is seeing less of me and make an effort to be home earlier , why should i think of treasure the time that we spend together?
I have say what i want to say and i seem a little tired talking sense into him.
talk about something happy ...today i walk pass charles and keith and i saw this hand bag that i like sooooo much ....of coz i never buy lar...but really like it lor...nowaday their bag really look nice lor...

sleep...

missing my sleep already...
how i wish i have more time to sleep....
never get to sleep well last nite and hope it does not affect my work today.
somehow the devil in me seem to come out again...the six sense...
wonder is it a hint from the god ? or is it just my crazy thinking...
whatever it is , alot of things i can't control...
just hope to park myself in the ofc and at least i can escape for a little while..
all the best for my work today...

First day at work ...

Finally back to work force...
Sound like very exciting to work rite...
well.. it's better then doing nothing at home...not much meaning in life..
This morning wake up really early , just to get myself ready...
bath , wear lens , put on make up , style my perm hair and wear my executive clothes...
I am not very pretty but i really feel good when i dress nice and went my make up looks ok and of coz thanks to my eyes who never give me dryness problem this am...
How i wish i no need to even wear lens .
Off i go ..took a direct bus ..journey was long 1.5 hours but guess i was too excited , so i never fell asleep...
Reached office super early at 8.30am and still got time for my breakfast and my boss even earlier , ha ha on the ball...
Whole day in ofc was ok ...busy informing client of my new contact and guess what ,
my area lots of chicken rice and my dear boss loves chicken rice and of coz today we had our chicken rice , OMG !!!
Knock off at 6pm and only leave ofc around 6.30pm and unable to squeeze into the bus , so angry. Finally the second bus came and no space to sit...stand for an hour and reach home....

Mood was quite okie , until hubby friend called to vent his anger , spolit my mood abit but i really dont blame him coz if i am the one i will feel the same too.
Sometimes just wonder which side of the brain he used to think ?
Left or Right ? Or does he has a brain ? very bad of me to say that about my love ones but it's the fact !!!
At these time when even spend a bit extra is already driving me crazy and every month paying debt , bills untill i crazy ...at these time , at these time still want to buy a car.....???!!!???!!!
Yes , car maybe cheap now , every month may need to only pay 500+ but
what about fuel , parking , san man , cash card etc etc...
normal day of coz maybe able to affort but now how can ?
When every one in the whole world is saving and my friend here is spending and thinking he got no problem in $$$...
Reall don't know what to say , just zip my mouth !
No point talking too much and end up become the devil...
Just do my job and take good care of my boy ...
I can only affort for my boy !!!
He is my darling and i do every thing for him !

01Feb2009...

Happy birthday to everyone !!!
Time passes too fast i think...
If u don treasure time , it will actually just fly off without notice...

31Jan09...

Going back to working life soon...
Really looking forward to it...
Don really like the non working life...
Seem very waste of time...
everyday stick to him like no body business..like glue...
i prefer to live my own life but somehow still always follow him around.
Went to do my nails yesterday .. get myself ready for my PA job on monday ...
and today went to chong house visiting , quite fun ...at least can chat with them,
and my boy also enjoy so much ...sometimes feel life is better off without a man
for you to worry ...
seeing my friends fell down in their marriage and now quite happy with their new life...i am also very happy for them...life got to move on...
Now i am looking forward to my cousins gathering tomorrow.
And for this new year 2009 , i want to work hard to save up $ for my boy
and also to save to bring my boy for a holiday in aust in 2009 , just the 2 of us ...
boy no. 1 , career no. 2 ...

Chinese new year is over !

A short celebration of 2 days chinese new year...
today most people and children either goes to work or school...
a bit too fast... even my boy also complain .. today got to force him to go to school.
He ask me to bring him back early...

This year a bit differ , first day of new year , we went visiting at my hubby's side.
Went to his uncle place for lunch , boy was happy to play with the hamster.
and in the evening , we went to JB for BBQ at the leisure farm , i am glad that
i insist to bring boy along , coz it is am eye opening for s'pore kids...
We went to put fire works...which hubby's friends spend $2k to buy it...
It was beautiful and scary coz the sound is so loud...
Everyone enjoy , it's only around 11pm + , hubby wants to go to a pub with his friends and wants me and boy to go back sin with his another friend...
which i think he is too much and therefore throw big temper at him...
and finally he come back with us...

Second day of new year , went over to my mum's side...
as usual , visiting from one place to another ...
I just feel that the timing to catch up with each other is too short...
It would really be better if we will to go only to one place and everyone
can catch up there and then...
and boy found his play mate...
he love playing with the 2 gege...

New year eve...

Funny right today is the eve of chinese new year and
yet i still got the time to post ...
well most of the things are done,
only let with some praying , reunion dinner , cooking etc...
I must say i am lucky to have my mother in law and of coz she is lucky to have me too...
but her mind set is in those old times...guys cannot do this cannot do that..
then end up do all by herself lor..so poor thing right.
Well as a full time house wife maybe she is used to it ..
but sorry lor i am not a full time housewife ...
I am not very bad lar...at least most of the house work i help and pay most of the marketing ...
oh ya , last friday i went coffee with one of my male friend and my boy.
Well , we had a good time..talking and shopping ...
and funny coz i hold my boy hand and he hold the other side of my boy's hand
and even carry him and bring him to toilet etc...maybe he love kids...
Actually i am not really looking forward to tonight dinner ...
maybe the people that are coming are very sian one lor...
dont have that kind of family feeling with them...
maybe end up during the dinner will sian us some more...
and tomorrow is visiting day...early morning i will go over to my mum hsc..
and will start visiting together with them...
looking forward to see all my cousin...
And for this year , i hoping my new job will be successful and looking forward to go back to the job force again....
another wish is hope my boy will gain weight and grow healthy and my mum too...

23Jan09.

Yesterday i took a bus from my house to my new company...
Just to make sure i know where to alight when i start work...
and of coz he is the one who bring me there and tell me where to alight etc..
coz i dont have sense of direction.
During these few week , i see him almost everyday , and sigh with him everyday..
after knowing where the actual bus stop is , we walk over to Kua Ying Temple to
pray and i got a lot No.95 ...
Few more days it will be chinese new year ...
I wish everyone happiness and healthy.

20Jan09...

Somehow feel that i have wasted my one month...
Wanted to go for holiday but timing not rite and also near to CNY...
and of coz also don have this extra $ to go...
CNY is near and at least i have almost got most of the new year goodies
which is sponsored by my dear sis...
she doesn't know about my problem but she feel that i one month no income
so she instead to pay all for me...very sweet of her ..but she really shouldn't.
and also i got all the new notes ready for ang bao...
sometimes i am quite proud of myself...
i wonder how i go through all these....
Next life i 100% can be a guy , ha ha but i still prefer to be a gal ..
and hope to be loved by my hubby and not so poor life anymore...
I actually prefer to use chinese wordings for my blog...
somehow i feel that i can't express myself very well in english ...
and the meaning that i wan to bring out is not the same..
Yesterday i was thinking maybe it will be somehow better if we both will to let go ..
Maybe it's not so scarey after all...and if it benefits both , why not ?
Whatever he wans to do , he also no need to think about what will happen to my family if i what what what...
and at the same time i also no need to worry abt him...
said easy rite !!!

Gathering...

Had a gathering last evening , had our 1st yu sheng..
It was fun fun fun...
just enjoy talking and listening to cheong...full of nonsense but a joker..
and i made a new friend J ... Surprise that we can click ..
maybe it's because we are almost the same but she already get out of the boat..
and she is much stronger then me...
actually i know what they mean and i understand ... but it's just not easy to take the 1st step... maybe sooner or later ...
ha ha always the same excuse right ...
I must say i am a person that will think for other 1st ,
this is just not the right time to do anything ...

Last night my boy called me and cry because he can't find his fav pillow.
he is like this ...very attach to this pillow...

Grounded at home...

Due to the cough of my son...i got no choice but to be at home.
So many plans are gone...
No choice...
It's really not my type to be a house wife..ha ha.
I may not be a good house wife but i am a good mother...

Changes..

Tot of going shopping with my sis and her 2 little ones...
but who knows my boy is sick...and grounded at home...
so of coz me as the mother cannot go out lor...
it the usual cough that he has...
it been so long since he last cough..
coz i been giving him crocodile essence ..so far so good...
but due to it's very expensive therefore i cut down and end up totally stop
giving him...now i really regret..had just order a second round of essence for him.
So times this kind of thing just cannot save..

So happy ..friday going for yu sheng with my dear fellow ex coll and friends.
looking forward to it ...coz last year i eat with cheong , it was very fun.

As for him , he is in his own world..looking forward for the god to save him.
He has been saved before but end up still walk the same old road..
of coz there are lots and lots of reasons or i should say excuses...
No one is able to wake him ...unless u got the $ to help him settle everything.
then i suppose he will listen to everything u say.
too bad , even i don have this power to out talk him.
he will just have to face problem himself...coz i don have solution liao.

13Jan09.

12 more days to CNY ...
Time passes so fast.. and so scary..
Got so much nonsense to follow up...
Change new notes , Reunion dinner's food etc etc..
Sometimes really hope that there are more than 24 hours in a day..
wanted to post in chinese..but unable to do that with my home computor..
As for home matters, things still never change to the better...
infact it gets worse.. and i am not able to save anyone or anything..
coz i am broke...
If really money can solve a problem , then it's not a problem anymore...
Those guys out there always thinks $ can solve their problem but
to me it can only solve it at the moment and will come back again..
so it's they themselve got to wake up their bloody idea...
bad habits die hard and never learn the lessons...
how many more chance will a person be given.....?????

Looking forward ...

so fast ...12 days has passed for my stay at home day...
beside doing homework , taking care of kids..be a high class maid in my sis place
doing facial , slimming etc...nothing else.
I think working life suits me more...
at least i got things to do and to use my brain.
I am actually looking forward to work in feb...but i will have less time wz boy.
coz it's consider a big project..in fact we will be there to set up the new dept..
consider pioneer... it's really going to be a very busy year
therefore we need a long break now..ha ha

Yesterday we finally had our family time...we bring boy for jogging and then swimming.. he really behave like me ..
not sure nowadays is it i am short temp...or is it boy really getting more and more naughty...but of coz at times he is real sweet...like yesterday , he says he wans to see how i cook...i ask him why so kpo..he say so that next time when he grow up , he knows how to cook for me...very very sweet rite...
He just melt my heart...

"Panda"

I looks like a panda today...
Last nite he came back at around 3am...
I dont even remember when is the last time i waited for his door...
Well...anyway i throw big temper since 6pm...
coz it's suppose to be a sat family day , end up without and warning and reason,
he had an appointment wz friends...
of coz he came back quite drunk...
my blood really boil.
am not sure what is he up to...
but knows that he is very stress up with $$$ problem...
anyway he wasted all my time by staying at home ...

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Bought new years clothes...

Yesterday i got a fruitful day... bought 2 new year clothes and 2 working clothes..
look like a PA lor...and very executive look...
I bought my clothes at suntec...the usual shop verge..
one year once i go there...
At 1st i tot one month staying at home is a bit too long...
but time pass so fast ...i think i got not enough time to use.
Today will also be a busy day for me...

08Jan09...

1st time really stay at home to lazy around after i resign...
a bit bore...
and my silly nokia handphone giving me problem...
so i got no choice but to buy another one...
My new fav LG phone...surprise..it's quite user friendly
and best of all , touch phone...
like very stylo lor...KC910...

Tot can spend some "dating" time with my hubby today..
like shop for new year clothes..and have western dinner together etc...
end up not able to ...a bit disappointed lor...
i told him i wan to go suntec to shop for clothes...
end up he ask his mum along...
what can i say ?
since he not sensitive enough to know that i wan to spend time alone with him...
shit man ...if i know it's going to be like this...i should have go for my facial instead...
and tomorrow i wont be so stupid to stay at home to wait for him to bring me out...
i go out by myself...
dont he knows that i am only feel this month and from feb onwards 6 month
down the road got no leave ok...
anyway forget it...
he just dont understand me well enough..that is the only thing i can say.