......

I am fully exhausted by work today ...
no mood to comment on any thing...
and yes , i can't live without a MAN !!!

U are not me ...u won't understand...

There is this anonymous 946 who comment in my blog...
Only one thing i can say ...u are not me , u won't understand...
Last time when i see this kind of comment i will feel sad ,
but this time round i did not...
because i know that i need not answer to everybody of my decision and i
also need not answer to anyone that am i just everytime say say only..

he or she mention...

if love made you so tire, then whats there for you to hold on ?

don tell me if someone very tire of living then better go and end their life..

if making decision on such thing is soooo easy , then this thing will not be a problem ... i am not the only person living in this world...any decision done ,
i am actually affecting alot alot of people and alot alot of things...
marriage is not 2 person matters and so is divorce...

he or she also mention...

You think you cannot leave him because you LOVE HIM????? Then by making a man who don't love you to sleep beside look GREAT????

and yes , my answer is i still love him till now...and it's not so easy as let go and find another man , another new life ... if getting out and find someone new to love is so easy then what value is love ?
and i also do not need to answer to anyone of do i look great to sleep beside a man who dont love me... how many person can confirm that the person sleeping beside you loves only you ?
And i don think he dont love me , more or less still have a little but of coz love himself more.

You are as selfish as your husband.
LOVE HIM is your excuse........having a complete family is also an excuse....... money is also an excuse........your son also an excuse...............

you may be right...i got lots of excuses ...

I know my matter best ....and yes , till this very moment i am still confuse...

To my readers , i write this blog to let myself vent, so that i will feel better ,
coz i do not have people to talk to ...
u do not need to agree with whatever i say but pls have some respect...
if you feel that i write all nonsense , then dont log on to my blog...
i record down my true feelings ...anything wrong with that ?
i am a normal human , i am not a movie star or anything ,
i am just a normal woman , wanted normal life...
maybe 10 years down the road , i am still the same ...
still complaining and still no action...only god knows
maybe people is getting tired of my blog, but i dont care , i dont write
hoping more people to come in and read my blog...
and i don need people to see anything great in me ...

18feb09

Feeling tired today ...
feel like going back to zzzzzzz
work matter quite good... bosses respect my decision of mostly everything..
hope to get awarded projects very soon..
and my image of myself actually change...
i am more executive look now...haha
fell in love with pure mineral make up powder..
very good very natural...
oh ya...yesterday my boy told me about his "girl friend" in k1...
cannot stand him ..nowadays kids..horrible...
he say she kiss him everyday , coz she say he is cutie ..
infact i find my boy really quite handsome ..haha
as for myself ...really dont know ..

Wake up !!!

What will you do if someone tells you he is not able to change ?
Be it for the seek of family or himself ?
Yes , the message is being send across ...
" I will not change ..."
stay by me and endure it or just leave it...
I got to really admit that this is nothing new and i been laying to myself
all these while , believing and give chance one after another thinking that he will change.. now my heart break ...not sure what to do ?
To stay put , i think i am crazy..
yes , till now i still love him alot...
but what about my dear son...i need to think for him too...
he ..don love me as much as i love him...
I scare of cats but he never chase them for me ,
i say i like a handbag but he never bother to find out which one i like ..
never bore to give me surprise..
no sign of improvement...still late nite ..
i promise myself that i will give it a final thought...tonite...
but $1800 per month can be a single mother ?
i wonder ...
giving out is really not a easy task...

songs !!!

曲名：爱你实在太累


感情渐渐离去泪湿我的心 忘记这段情 忘记你是我唯一
女人的心早已离去
撕碎的回忆让我狠狠忘记你 爱你实在太累
没有后悔流下泪 疼你的人已心醉
用过的泪不后悔 虽然爱你实在太累
爱过的人不想再醉
伤了 走了 醉了 碎了
爱了你实在太累
喔欧欧～～
爱你实在太累 没有后悔流下泪
疼你的人已心醉 用过的泪不后悔
虽然爱你实在太累 爱过的人不想再醉
伤了 走了 醉了 碎了
爱了你实在太累

songs !!!

爱上你是一个错
作词 作曲:陈国华
演唱:廖昌永

人生有许多难关要过
自古是情关最让人难受
也许我命中注定情海中颠簸
为你我付出这么的多
却让我痛到有苦不能说
因为我爱你就像那飞蛾扑向火
请你告诉我爱上你是一个错
别让我失魂落魄著了魔
解开我的迷惑收起你的冷漠
你怎忍心这样做
请你告诉我爱上你是一个错
别让我漫漫长夜守寂寞
伤痛已经太多心也早以伤透
我已不想再为谁去等候

人生有许多难关要过
自古是情关最让人难受
也许我命中注定情海中颠簸
为你我付出这么的多
却让我痛到有苦不能说
因为我爱你就像那飞蛾扑向火
请你告诉我爱上你是一个错
别让我失魂落魄著了魔
解开我的迷惑收起你的冷漠
你怎忍心这样做
请你告诉我爱上你是一个错
别让我漫漫长夜守寂寞
伤痛已经太多心也早以伤透
我已不想再为谁去等候
请你告诉我爱上你是一个错
别让我失魂落魄著了魔
解开我的迷惑收起你的冷漠
你怎忍心这样做
请你告诉我爱上你是一个错
别让我漫漫长夜守寂寞
伤痛已经太多心也早以伤透
我已不想再为谁去等候

Happy Valentine !

This day to me is not as meaningful as before...
last time i will get angry if this day is not being celebrated or no flowers for me.
but now i am alrite...and of coz this year i got nothing too...
when both people care alot about each other ,
everyday also is valentine...
but when both are not in love ...
everyday is a horrible day...
i used to always say , i am doing it for boy...
but i think i am selfish...
i realise more and more that this home enviroment is really not suitable for a kid...
i become quite worry...
i am so afraid he will get influence all the bad habits...
am i really thinking for him ?
if i really think for him , all the more i should be something...
coz up bringing is very important...

Friday ...

It finally friday but tomorrow still got to work...
kind of lazy to work on sat...but no choice...
well i had a real good and deep sleep last nite , tks to the oil , i guess...
for so many years i didn't have deep sleep..
thanks friend for being so caring...
then next time i must say i so long never have a relax holiday ,
then maybe i will get free airtickets and accomodation ,
haha ...too much rite , just kidding...
nothing much to update today ...just that i am happy that i had a good sleep...
VT is coming , guess every year will be the same ...
no surprise , no special...
well no choice , it's just another day...
Wish everyone happy VT DAY !!!

Early bird...

Nowadays wake up quite early coz i got to gel my hair...
ha ha , kind of tired of it but my silly hair dresser refuse to do bonding for me..
coz he say i look nice with my perm... i know but very troublesome lor...

me is current still in one piece .. work , very good ...no worries abt that
and bosses also quite like me...
boy , these few day i try to come back on time , so he start to open up and
talk to me again ...i guess he understand why i am always no at home ..
got to work mah ...
Him , still look lost...Well , honestly , I haven’t get over it yet..
Got lots and lots of questions on my head ..
wherther his explaintion is true or not , only he himself knows
But I still hope to know the truth……anyway I can’t accept that my partner never come back without a valid reason ...This has cross my limit...
世上谁无错，
错而不懂得改过，
那你就自己去解决你的祸。。。
ha ha , i wrote the above myself...and i am very proud of my chinese , haha...
if there is next life i will not wan a self central man...
to him ... thansk for the gift...knowing that i didnt sleep well,
he bought me a oil burner and a deep sleep essential oil...
i light it last nite...never got deep sleep but i think i sleep well...
thanks alot friend...

marriage ... once ? twice ?

Last nite i slept like a baby ...thanks to cheong .. coz we went for massage in the
evening ... i am glad that at least i catch some sleep...
last nite came home saw my boy ...
he suddenly mention " mummy , a house is build by a daddy , mummy and baby rite ?" shock by his words , i answer him " i will build a house by myself..."
he was also shock ..." u know how to build a house ?"
me : " i dont know but i can try "
boy : " mummy , i will help u ok..."
cute little boy rite ...of coz he doesn't know what i really mean ...
my bonding with my boy is just so close...
anything happen in school he will tell me ... but of coz nowadays see him less ,
he is kind of closer to the grandmother ...but no worries , the bonding between mummy and baby is always there and strong... just hope he grow up to be a better person.
Last nite chat with cheong about , guys..marriage ..etc etc
endless chat ...
and i must tell u jxxxxxa , u are very very lucky to have him ...( i been working with him for 4 years ... he is really a man that u can count on, coz he is ready to commit.)
beening fail in the first marriage and to be able to find someone who still
really love and treasure us , it's really not easy...
i guess knowing him also give u a courage to give out on your 1st marriage totally...
to your first man ...it's your lose...
to you treasure this new man...
to my friend ( your current man ) love her dont hurt her coz she been hurt very badly...
as for me , it's easy ..it's either give out or endure...
dont hope for changes , coz things are not going to change for any better...
years by years pass and everything is still the same ...
when a person refuse to grow up and take the responsible , u can't force !!!

personal

guess what...
more or less it does affect my work today...
make a few mistakes... but lucky is small mistake..
so many years in the working force...
how can i still bring my personal trouble to my work place rite...
useless me...
of coz there are lots of questions in my head...
but so what if i ask ?
i just pray that i will have a good , sweet sleep tonight...
be it wherether he is coming back or not...
FXXX care !

Monday...mood..sleepy

Now is 7am in the morning...last nite i slept at 9pm ,
wake up at 12am , toss in bed till 4am...
alarm ring at 6am...
going to work soon...
the reason of my not sleeping...he is not back home , till now...
no answer of hp...
of coz it kept me wonder where he spend the nite..
I think she maybe back...
Whatever it is , to me it's just no sense of responsible..
due to late nite , next day no need to go work ..
just not sensible enough to think rite...
short cut , play hard , enjoy life...
of coz i do feel sad that he did not come home as promise...coz still got feeling for him...
but i guess i have to face it and face whatever that comes to me...
and may not let my emotion affect my work today...
this is personal nothing to do with work..
off to work now...wish me happy..

to he or she who find my blog full of complain , then stop reading my blog...
it's my blog and i will write whatever i want...

08feb09.

Just came back from dinner..
And feeling very sad..coz just had a quarrel with him.
We are just very different...
I wanted a family time but he think other wise..
He went out again..to watch soccer...i can't stop him of coz...
who am i ... to stop him . anyway ...i have make up my mind...
i am not going to everytime keep quiet and wait for him to change...
I guess i have given enough chance...it's either he give out this kind of life or give out me and son...
I guess i had enough..
every day face a empty house like no husband and my boy everyday like no father...
if i dont think for myself i also have to think for my boy...
this is not healthy for my little one...
till now he still dont understand me well enough..
I guess i had enough...

真得好不甘愿。。。
因为我心里已经很不服气了。
还不明白我为什莫不开心。。。

I beening working for 1 week
And I see him for almost only one 1 hour for the whole week (exclude sleeping)
Ha ha don’t believe right but it’s the true…
Like I have step on his tail…
I talk loud coz very noisy outside…he say I too loud like scolding him
I talk soft he say I too soft…
Very hard to pleased rite.
Very small air…worse then woman..

Company new year dinner !!!

Went to K-box for company dinner.. I must say i enjoy !!!
Cause i feel this company really like a " family"
MD n D sing song , very fun...
But i must say , i really miss my boy...
and tonight when i reach home he is already asleep...
looking at his face , i feel very bad...but due to i just join this company ,
i have to show result and i can't just leave at 6pm sharp ...
Anyway everything at the K box was fine...
untill he and me talk on the phone...
my place was noisy...so i was a little loud..and of coz he sound fed up.

someone like me a comment...in my post yesterday..
i am not sure who this person is..but..
after reading , i feel mayb this person don't understand me too well...
but it's ok ...
thanks for reading my blog...and thanks for your comment...

P/s...today i haven't see him yet !!!

From happy to angry...

Whole day in ofc was exciting...
Seem like time pass very quicky in this new ofc..
maybe because we are very busy setting up therefore time pass fast.
and also because tonite got dinner entertainment and tomorrow nite got company
new year dinner at k box...sound exciting.
Dinner was ok..eat lots of seafood which i wanted to eat for so long...
I reach home at 10.10pm...and guess what , i hear my boy voice...
OMG he is actually still downstair when it should be his bed time...
I get really really angry about it...coz i just dont like the idea that he is downstair behaving like wild kids and there are those old man and woman gamble
playing cards...I dont like this kind of up bringing...
Again he will think that " what wrong with that ? why am i making a big fuss over it?"
Things that i am not happy about.
No 1 , it not that i go out to enjoy myself , once a while i got to entertainment
why can't he as a husband tell me not to worry and he will help to look after boy for the nite... why must it be when i come home late , he will have to be later then me ? and is majong more important then bringing the son back from school ?
Brainless ... the no. of hours he sees his boy is infact less then 2 hours...
no sense of responsible...

No 2 , the parent everyday gamble downstair , since i got appointment why cant they just help to look after my boy in a proper way ? one two hours dont gamble won't die ok....

No 3 , i though my boy is in good hands , end up is let him play downstair by himself and cont to gamble...i think it's really crazy lor...

No 4 , it's not that i dont allow boy to play downstair...
they also have to see the time what...it's already 10+ and tomorrow got school k...
Very TL lor... and the purpose of bringing him down is not that the grand parent want to have fun with him lor...it's that they themself itchy...want to gamble..

and now is already 11pm + and that fellow went drinking will be back late...
this kind of father really ....@#%#%$^#%$Y

Today i see him for not even an hour...

why cant everyone just do their part....
it not that i want to work, it's i need to work...
so help me in taking good care of the boy , let me rest in peace that he is in good hands...
let me rest my heart so that i can do well in my work...
be responsible....when u are a father , pls behave like one...
when u are a husband , pls behave like one...
when u are grand parent , pls behave like one...
This family is just super funny and super crazy....
$#^%$&%^$&%$#%#$%&(*

04feb09...

Third day at work...feel myself happier than in the old office...
maybe becoz the people over in the new office seem to be more friendly .
So it's not so bad after all to leave ..maybe that explain for my marriage too..
It may not be so scary afterall...
Today i took MRT to work instead...just to try out which is better ,
by bus or train...i should say both got it + and - points...
Now that i started work , my time at home is less and very less...
I miss my boy mostly but i know i got to work hard for him.
I am really glad that i enjoy working now although i have to start all over again and put in more effort in my new company but i am happy...
$ matters on us still the same...can't out talk him so just keep my mouth shut...
and of coz now my time seeing him is also lesser...
no choice if people don't feel that he is seeing less of me and make an effort to be home earlier , why should i think of treasure the time that we spend together?
I have say what i want to say and i seem a little tired talking sense into him.
talk about something happy ...today i walk pass charles and keith and i saw this hand bag that i like sooooo much ....of coz i never buy lar...but really like it lor...nowaday their bag really look nice lor...

sleep...

missing my sleep already...
how i wish i have more time to sleep....
never get to sleep well last nite and hope it does not affect my work today.
somehow the devil in me seem to come out again...the six sense...
wonder is it a hint from the god ? or is it just my crazy thinking...
whatever it is , alot of things i can't control...
just hope to park myself in the ofc and at least i can escape for a little while..
all the best for my work today...

First day at work ...

Finally back to work force...
Sound like very exciting to work rite...
well.. it's better then doing nothing at home...not much meaning in life..
This morning wake up really early , just to get myself ready...
bath , wear lens , put on make up , style my perm hair and wear my executive clothes...
I am not very pretty but i really feel good when i dress nice and went my make up looks ok and of coz thanks to my eyes who never give me dryness problem this am...
How i wish i no need to even wear lens .
Off i go ..took a direct bus ..journey was long 1.5 hours but guess i was too excited , so i never fell asleep...
Reached office super early at 8.30am and still got time for my breakfast and my boss even earlier , ha ha on the ball...
Whole day in ofc was ok ...busy informing client of my new contact and guess what ,
my area lots of chicken rice and my dear boss loves chicken rice and of coz today we had our chicken rice , OMG !!!
Knock off at 6pm and only leave ofc around 6.30pm and unable to squeeze into the bus , so angry. Finally the second bus came and no space to sit...stand for an hour and reach home....

Mood was quite okie , until hubby friend called to vent his anger , spolit my mood abit but i really dont blame him coz if i am the one i will feel the same too.
Sometimes just wonder which side of the brain he used to think ?
Left or Right ? Or does he has a brain ? very bad of me to say that about my love ones but it's the fact !!!
At these time when even spend a bit extra is already driving me crazy and every month paying debt , bills untill i crazy ...at these time , at these time still want to buy a car.....???!!!???!!!
Yes , car maybe cheap now , every month may need to only pay 500+ but
what about fuel , parking , san man , cash card etc etc...
normal day of coz maybe able to affort but now how can ?
When every one in the whole world is saving and my friend here is spending and thinking he got no problem in $$$...
Reall don't know what to say , just zip my mouth !
No point talking too much and end up become the devil...
Just do my job and take good care of my boy ...
I can only affort for my boy !!!
He is my darling and i do every thing for him !

01Feb2009...

Happy birthday to everyone !!!
Time passes too fast i think...
If u don treasure time , it will actually just fly off without notice...