Back from holiday

Just came back from a holiday ...
well it was really like heaven during the holiday.
Now that i am back , everything is stress !
got to face the same old pressure !
Sigh !
Is this what life is all about ?
Wish i am not back ... wish i am still on holiday .
But no choice.
During this family trip .. everyone enjoy.
The daddy and the son had a great time together .

Mis understanding

In life there are so many misunderstanding ...
one after another...
mum had around of thunder storm last night...
and end up quarrel with sis ... who is very worry about mum health (as mum got high blood etc)
actually this thing start as mum tot that the 神祖牌of ah ma and ah gong is being throw
away by aunty... so that is how it started... and mum temper as usual is very very big...
so my poor sister gana...
actually no one throw anything , it's just a mis com and mis understanding ...
Glad that things are now cleared.

10Jun2010

Ups and Downs for so long ...
things still more or less remain the same.
Family life as usual .. not as fruitful as what was promise.
But at least something to be happy about ...
i have tender and found a job...

My heart win again !

After so long of the mind and heart matters...
in the end, my heart win again...
i am giving one more chance ...
although i am disappointed with myself but at least after making this decision ..
u can see the smile on my face again...
and as promise , he went to lta to proceed with his taxi lic...
just hope all turn up well and
hope he will be able to treasure this family.

SIGH !

As usual...heart soften again!
Of cause i know it's not going to improve..
but my heart very pain !
i begin to hate myself...
what i want ?
can i do it ?
will i be happy ?
mind and heart just dont mix !

very upset today

I force myself to be harsh to him...
talk alot of harsh words to hurt him..
after saying those words..tears started to drop..
because this is not me...i have not used harsh words on him for these years..
it hurts ...really hurts and my heart feel so pain...
but i know that i have got no choice but to move on...
because he cant change and i cant accept this kind of life style
best for everybody ...i guess this is the only way.
but really it's very hurting.
i am not sure after losting him what will my life be ?
but for him ..i think it would be better because debt can clear and can
gain back his freedom ..and to go overseas to work...etc
but it's just really very hurt...
and tears kept dropping down.
after housing matters , next got to settle our marriage problem...
i feel so stress... i feel so pressure.
and i have to act like i dont love him anymore...
i really dont know..
but someone was telling me...would you rather your child got a bad example to
follow and have a unhappy mum or would you rather he dont have this father
but got a happy mum to live with ? quite true...but it just hurts !

what is the real feeling?

saw a lot of brain dead example...
but who can tell me how do it feel for heart dead ?
is it painful ? or will it be something like no feelings ?
i wonder ?!?
i nearly get into a stage that i go crazy ..
nearly ! lucky i suddenly think of my boy and i tell myself i cannot allow
such things to happen to myself...
u know that kind of feeling where u take a train and feel everybody is soooo noisy and u really feel like cannot take the noise...
last night or i should say this morning at 4am... he came back with the whole
body full of the strong perfume smell...
i hate it... whole night i got headache because of the smell , i cant sleep...
someone pls tell me how to let heart die...
i can see it coming to an end ! soon ... very soon !!!
this is a promise to myself.