mix feeling today...

Got a lot of mix feeling today …
Just suddenly feel that the global will not stop turning for anybody…

Even if H1N1 spread the whole world…
Even if S.Korea ex-president threw himself off a cliff…
Even if N.Korea threat to attack S.Korea and US…
Even if there are earth quake…
Even if there are bombing around…

Even if someone declaring bankruptcy…
Even if someone get kill on the road…
Even if someone lose their job…
Even if someone got no income…

The global will still turn…
and days still goes on ,
the kids still needs to go school,
everyone still needs to eat…
and so on…

living in this world is already so stressful…
pls dont add on to my stress !!!
why do humans want to make matter worse ?
why can’t family life but more peaceful ?
why can’t everyone use their brain to think ?

if in life everything is fated so why should everyone bother to work ?
then better to stay at home to wait for things to happen since it fated…
then wait for money to drop from the sky , if you are fated to be rich…
these are excuses….

And I can’t understand…

I believe in fate but only 30%...
I believe 70% I will have to put in effort to work things out…
I believe in teaching my child of good manner when young…
I believe everyone got their chance in life
I believe things happen for a reason…
I believe in being truthful to partners
I believe in love
I believe in being a obey daughter
I believe in doing my duties as a mother
I believe in bonding with my son
I believe in doing my multi duties in life

I don’t believe in being rude means the child got a characters and a mine of their own…

But I never do them well…I must say…
There is an incident which prove that I am not a good mother…

There is this classmate of boy that pull both his legs and causing him to fell from the back and hit his head on the cupboard.
Of coz I am heart ache to hear that…and seeing his big “ bao” on the head , really hurts.
So as usual I went to school yesterday to check what really happens and
why I wasn’t inform
my husband will say I full of complain if he knows of this
( he never agree on things I do , but I don’t care…as a mother I feel I need to find out)
So while I was telling the teacher what happens , the boy walk in with his parents…
At that moment , I was thinking , should I tell the parent directly that your boy did something naughty to cause my son to fell and hurt his head…
Or should I just leave it to the principle to do the talking…
I have to admit that I am timid…
and my son actually very upset over why I never scold the boy…
The look in his eyes tell me so…being his mother , I know what he is thinking…
So last night ,
I ask him “ son , are you angry with mummy ?”
He say : “ no , but I am sad…”
I ask : “ why are you sad ?”
He say : “ this morning…”

See I knew it….

So I answer : “ is it because this morning , mummy saw that boy but never scold him for bullying you ?”
He say : “ yes”

So I went on to explain…” mummy knows you did not lie about the incident but the reason mummy never scold him is because I also want to give this boy a chance to explain of Why he did that and not just straight away point my finger at him and scare him and the parents…
If one day you did something that is not right , you also would want people to give you a chance to explain right ? “

He knock his head …

I went on :” I prefer to listen to both side of the story and leave it to the principle to due with the rest…”

“ and the other reason is also , mummy want you to learn to stand up and speak out and learn to protect yourself ,

Because I cant be there to protect you 24 hours and you have to really learn and I will always be there to listen to your happy things and sad things”

HA HA , Actually the reason is I timid … but I print him a beautiful picture…

Then I ask : “ do you accept my explaination ? “
He answer : “ yes”
I ask : “ are you still angry with me ?”
He say : “ no mummy …I love you, I will learn …”

I am not sure wherther this is the right way to educate son…
But I think so far so good…

And yes ..what the principle say about my son is right…
He is a nice boy…
He needs a lot of encourgement to speak out esp when he was hurt by others
He is a boy who will endure until he really can’t take it anymore…
This part I think he is just like me…

I got nothing to say about myself… just a failure
I put all my effort in my boy…
And I hope that I am able to educate him into a well manner boy …
I do not need him to be very successful in life…
But I hope that he will grow up to be a responsible person and knows what is right and wrong…

I been feeling very bad because lately there are a few activties going on in school
which also holds around 6.30pm
which of coz i am not able to attend...
i know he would prefer that i am there...
the worse to me is ... i can't depend on that man to attend...
which he never did...
other children , at least mummy cannot attend , daddy will attend...
well i got nothing to say , coz he is not at all involue...

守株待兔 !

春秋时期宋国有个农民。
他的田里长了一棵树，平常干活累了， 他就躺在树下休息。
一天，他正在田里耕种，忽然看见一 只兔子 惊慌地跑了过来，
一下子撞倒了树桩上，死了。
农民没费吹灰之力就得到了一只兔子，心里十分高兴，拎起兔子回家美美地吃了一顿。

从此，这个农民就再也不干农活了，整天守在树桩旁边，
等着兔子跑过来撞死在树桩上。
可是他再也没有遇到这样的好事， 发而把田里的庄稼全都荒废了。

Guarding the Tree Awaiting a Rabbit

In the country of Song during the Chun Qui period (literally "Spring Fall period" 770 to 476 B.C.), there lived a farmer who had a tree in his field. Whenever he was tired from working, he would rest under the tree.
On day he was tilling his field. Suddenly a panic stricken rabbit ran past him, crashed into the tree and killed itself. The farmer caught it with less effort than it takes to blow ashes. He was very happy to take it home for a delicious rabbit stew dinner.
From then on, he did no work in his field. He waited by his tree for another rabbit to run into it and kill itself. This didn't happen, and his fields lay fallow and bare.

Chinese idiom: 守 株待兔 (shǒu zhū dài tù - literally "guard tree wait rabbit" (You're waiting for a rabbit.)
Meaning: Foolishly waiting for a most unlikely windfall instead of doing any work.

My boss say this :

只有您从不言弃，
勇于面对，
您就能创造出奇迹 !!!

Cool and Calm..

To my own surprise ...
I was cool and calm...
A bit calm till i myself is scare.
I went to see someone but end up getting myself more confuse.
I start to feel ,i can't trust anyone esp myself..
sometime cannot even trust myself...
something scary happen last nite ...
i wont put into words of what actually happens
but i can only say i am scare ...very scare at that moment.
if this cont ...one of these day i will go crazy.
i really hope he can change.
is turning over a new leaf so difficult ?
is that my only way out ?
why there are so many this kind of cases around...
but everyone got one problem,
but i guess i am "lucky"...because i have all the problems...
and yes ... now not even god can help me...
and the crazy thing is ...i can even be so calm till i think of cooking
ginseng chicken soup tomorrow...
why am i so calm ?

Friday...

Yes it's friday...
but dont seem to be looking forward to weekends...
not sure why...
my boss have been out station for nearly a week...
kind of missing him in office...at least when he is around
we can work better..
although when he is back i will be expecting more work...
but i still look forward to it.
feeling myself like a living dead people...
trying to ignore lots of problem and hoping the problem will solve by itself..
is it possible ? of coz i got the answer...it's not possible lor.
what can i do ?
make the matter worse ? rub salt ? leave for good ?
yesterday my boy went to visit the new born baby...
when i reached home , he happily tell me , mummy can you give me a baby ?
ha ha ..not possible!
i rather give him a dog...
till today problems remain unsolve...
problems are still problems...
not sure if god can help to advise me on anything ?

自欺，欺人。。。

在人的一生。。。我认为， 最可怕的是。。。

自己骗自己。。。

我也何尝不是如此呢！



知道不可以这样下去。。。但是依然一头栽下去

我也何尝不是如此呢！

Tomorrow...i am going to see someone...
i shall then decide...

Panda..

Going to be a panda soon ....
every night cough till death...
think if this goes on , i am going to cough out blood liao.

Recently , "market" really quiet .. really today still got a bit of things to do..
or else if this goes on headache.. tell myself be positive..

Yah , a good news , my sis in law is giving birth today ...baby boy...
babies are cute...

As for me , in office having more p and c work to do.
and all along , i do not like to gossip with staff ...so whenever they gossip
and i walk pass ...they all keep quiet ... dont care lar..just do my work
and if the boss trust me , i will just do my part...

One thing to look forward this year , primary one registration in july 29.
Looking forward to that , and i already got a school in mind...
just a normal school but i choose it because of the student care inside the school
which i think will be better for boy... at least , when i work , i know that he
is well taken care of . since i cant depend on the man etc.

Since monday i been feeling very very funny...not sure how to put into words
but i know this is just not me...
looking tough on the outside...and should be soft on the inside but funny is ,
looks like inside also harden...maybe i am just too tired...of everything.

God ....just when will i deserve a better life....