mix feeling today...

Got a lot of mix feeling today …
Just suddenly feel that the global will not stop turning for anybody…

Even if H1N1 spread the whole world…
Even if S.Korea ex-president threw himself off a cliff…
Even if N.Korea threat to attack S.Korea and US…
Even if there are earth quake…
Even if there are bombing around…

Even if someone declaring bankruptcy…
Even if someone get kill on the road…
Even if someone lose their job…
Even if someone got no income…

The global will still turn…
and days still goes on ,
the kids still needs to go school,
everyone still needs to eat…
and so on…

living in this world is already so stressful…
pls dont add on to my stress !!!
why do humans want to make matter worse ?
why can’t family life but more peaceful ?
why can’t everyone use their brain to think ?

if in life everything is fated so why should everyone bother to work ?
then better to stay at home to wait for things to happen since it fated…
then wait for money to drop from the sky , if you are fated to be rich…
these are excuses….

And I can’t understand…

I believe in fate but only 30%...
I believe 70% I will have to put in effort to work things out…
I believe in teaching my child of good manner when young…
I believe everyone got their chance in life
I believe things happen for a reason…
I believe in being truthful to partners
I believe in love
I believe in being a obey daughter
I believe in doing my duties as a mother
I believe in bonding with my son
I believe in doing my multi duties in life

I don’t believe in being rude means the child got a characters and a mine of their own…

But I never do them well…I must say…
There is an incident which prove that I am not a good mother…

There is this classmate of boy that pull both his legs and causing him to fell from the back and hit his head on the cupboard.
Of coz I am heart ache to hear that…and seeing his big “ bao” on the head , really hurts.
So as usual I went to school yesterday to check what really happens and
why I wasn’t inform
my husband will say I full of complain if he knows of this
( he never agree on things I do , but I don’t care…as a mother I feel I need to find out)
So while I was telling the teacher what happens , the boy walk in with his parents…
At that moment , I was thinking , should I tell the parent directly that your boy did something naughty to cause my son to fell and hurt his head…
Or should I just leave it to the principle to do the talking…
I have to admit that I am timid…
and my son actually very upset over why I never scold the boy…
The look in his eyes tell me so…being his mother , I know what he is thinking…
So last night ,
I ask him “ son , are you angry with mummy ?”
He say : “ no , but I am sad…”
I ask : “ why are you sad ?”
He say : “ this morning…”

See I knew it….

So I answer : “ is it because this morning , mummy saw that boy but never scold him for bullying you ?”
He say : “ yes”

So I went on to explain…” mummy knows you did not lie about the incident but the reason mummy never scold him is because I also want to give this boy a chance to explain of Why he did that and not just straight away point my finger at him and scare him and the parents…
If one day you did something that is not right , you also would want people to give you a chance to explain right ? “

He knock his head …

I went on :” I prefer to listen to both side of the story and leave it to the principle to due with the rest…”

“ and the other reason is also , mummy want you to learn to stand up and speak out and learn to protect yourself ,

Because I cant be there to protect you 24 hours and you have to really learn and I will always be there to listen to your happy things and sad things”

HA HA , Actually the reason is I timid … but I print him a beautiful picture…

Then I ask : “ do you accept my explaination ? “
He answer : “ yes”
I ask : “ are you still angry with me ?”
He say : “ no mummy …I love you, I will learn …”

I am not sure wherther this is the right way to educate son…
But I think so far so good…

And yes ..what the principle say about my son is right…
He is a nice boy…
He needs a lot of encourgement to speak out esp when he was hurt by others
He is a boy who will endure until he really can’t take it anymore…
This part I think he is just like me…

I got nothing to say about myself… just a failure
I put all my effort in my boy…
And I hope that I am able to educate him into a well manner boy …
I do not need him to be very successful in life…
But I hope that he will grow up to be a responsible person and knows what is right and wrong…

I been feeling very bad because lately there are a few activties going on in school
which also holds around 6.30pm
which of coz i am not able to attend...
i know he would prefer that i am there...
the worse to me is ... i can't depend on that man to attend...
which he never did...
other children , at least mummy cannot attend , daddy will attend...
well i got nothing to say , coz he is not at all involue...